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England manager Thomas Tuchel has rebuffed claims that his side is lucky after being drawn in the same 2026 World Cup group as American 70s disco outfit Village People.


The band brought Friday’s World Cup draw to a close performing their smash hit ‘YMCA’ moments after unexpectedly been drawn to face England in group L next summer. The group is completed by the South-West Region Lidl works team, and the winner of the play-off between Easter Island and the Harlem Globetrotters.


‘There are no easy games in the World Cup’ says Tuchel. ‘Village People may be past their best, but they have a very good youth system, and are always encouraging young players to come along and hang out with all the boys.


‘And, of course, the Lidl works team won the South-West Region League by 4 points. As long as they can keep their star striker ‘Fat Morph’ fit, by which I mean sober, then they could be dangerous. After all, Lidl are a German company, and you know the old saying in football – ‘never write off the Germans, or their discount supermarkets’.'


Meanwhile, Scotland have been drawn in the same group as Brazil, and will face the 5-time winners 3 times over 10 days, with only the group winners going through to the knock-out stages.


‘It's a tough draw’ says Scotland manager Steve Clarke. ‘We had been expecting to be drawn in a group with 3 other teams, but to be in a group with just Brazil, and to have to play them 3 times in 10 days in the soaring heat, is going to be difficult.


‘Before the draw we had hoped we might sneak into the last 32 by being one of the best placed 3rd placed teams, but as there are only 2 teams in the group, that’s going to be quite tricky’.


‘Still stranger things have happened in international football, like Donald Trump being awarded a peace prize by FIFA. What’s next? Is Benjamin Netanyahu going to be presented with the Nobel Prize for Chemistry before the draw for the fourth round of the Carabao Cup?’



Image credit: perchance.org



The worlds of international football and random selection of activity prize-giving have collided and been shaken up with the news that the Nobel Committee and FIFA are going to swap roles from now on.


The Nobel Committee are taking over international football tournaments, starting with the 2026 men's World Cup, but soon to include regional competitions like the European Championships, African Cup of Nations and the Copa America. Nobel has denied that they will grant Norway automatic qualification, at least not for the Copa America.


Meanwhile FIFA are following their innovative award of a Peace Prize to Donald Trump with a Gastronomy prize to be awarded to Luis Suarez, and an Economics prize to Michel Platini.


A spokesdemon denied that awarding a peace prize to Trump would earn FIFA bosses a spot on hell, saying that 'we've been keeping seats warm for everyone on the board of FIFA for years.'



Image credit: perchance.org


The Nobel Foundation, based in Sweden, today announced that Donald Trump has been awarded a special Nobel Participation Award in recognition of his active role in global politics, physics, chemistry, peace, medicine and literature.


'Today, we dedicate this shiny medal (perhaps the shiniest of all our medals) to Donald Trump,' said Gustaf Leifsson, a spokesperson for the Foundation. 'His participation in every award field literally cannot be overlooked. He's been everywhere and trying his hardest in every field. We're happy that he is awarded this special prize that will never be awarded again. It's completely unique and probably the best one.'


The medal is a golden replica of the Peace Prize and is accompanied by a large gold chain; a golden hat emblazoned with "I made Nobel great again"; golden shoes with wings on them; and a bejeweled sceptre. The overall prize fund is valued at upwards of six hundred euros if you factor in the McDonalds voucher for a free Happy Meal party.


Mr Trump is said to be delighted with the recognition but scolded the committee somewhat for not recognising his handsomeness and his golf swing.

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