Trump Peace Prize "in the bag" after Netanyahu nomination

"President Trump's case for the 2025 Peace Prize is overwhelming," said a spokes-dove for the Nobel awards committee.

"He says he wants a peace prize, which is good enough for us. And he has an impressive list of nominators.

"There's the cuddly Benjamin 'Bibi' Netanyahu, the Antichrist, and that Erin woman in Australia who killed her relatives with poisoned mushrooms.

"You think we're joking, don't you? But we're the committee which handed this prize to Henry Kissinger right at the time he was overseeing the bombing of neutral Cambodia during the Vietnam War.

"That's the kind of person we hand out this award to. So if you want to survive throughout your life with your reputation intact, just hope you never get put on a Nobel Peace Prize shortlist."

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A diplomatic compromise

Trump aims for Nobel Peace Prize by causing Armageddon

White House officials were quick to confirm that President Trump's decision to involve US Forces in bombing Iranian Nuclear Sites was all part of his plan to win the Nobel Peace Prize.

'The Romans said, "if you want peace, prepare for war,'" said Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt in a rare moment of lucidity yesterday. 'The President is well-prepared for conflict and the potential death of many across the world is a sacrifice he's willing to make. Once the dust settles and there's an inability to have any future military engagements because we've been returned to prehistoric times, the Nobel committee will have no option but to give him the Peace Prize. That's the difference between the former short term thinking of Presidents like Barack Obama and Joe Biden, and strategists like Donald Trump.'

The US Department of Defense confirmed it is planning for retaliation from Iran and the possibility of Nuclear Armageddon, and already planning for any post-apocalyptic gaps by stockpiling iodine pills, potable water, and big planks with nails in them.

With all modern communication methods likely to be destroyed in World War III, it's unclear how news will reach Washington DC from The Nobel Committee in Stockholm. However, it is also rumoured the US Government is asking all winners of a place in the Boston Marathon Ballot to report to West Point Military Academy immediately.

photo: Photo by Luke Jernejcic on Unsplash