• Home

  • Captions

  • About

  • All News

  • Writers' Room

  • Writer of the Month

  • Podcast

  • Shop

  • More

    Use tab to navigate through the menu items.

    NewsBiscuit

    The UK’s original fake news

    • Tumblr
    • YouTube
    • Spotify
    • LinkedIn
    • Instagram
    • IconFlip
    • Amazon
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • RSS
    Logo4_edited_edited.png
    • All Posts
    • Front Page
    • News in Brief
    • Headlines
    • Features
    • From the Archive
    • Caption Competition
    • Cartoons
    • Politics
    • Sport/Entertainment
    • Lifestyle
    • Science/Business
    • Local News
    Search
    • Steve Blair
      • May 19
      • 1 min read

    Liz Truss causes diplomatic incident by trying to scrap northern Iceland Protocol



    Reykjavik: Pandemonium ensued in the corridors of the Icelandic parliament today as the country’s president received a telephone call from Liz Truss who seemed to be declaring that Britain was going to annex northern Iceland.


    Bjork Magnussen, spokesperson for the Iceland’s President said, “The President was left very worried and confused. The North Iceland region is one we are most proud of and is a huge source of income from tourism. Then all of a sudden we had someone from the British government banging on about a hard border with the rest of the island.


    “She then bombarded the President with some statistics relating to the importing of apples and cheese before telling him she loved his Irish accent and that she thought Bono was great.


    “But when the President informed her she was calling Iceland, she simply said “Oh well, I’ll have three frozen pizzas and a box of Cornettos, please.””


    “We have had to refer this matter to the International Court of Justice as a diplomatic incident and await the traditional non-apology of Britain’s current Conservative government.”


    When asked to comment on the debacle, Truss said, “It’s weird, when I was doing my in-depth research, the first thing it says on the Wikipedia entry is “not to be confused with Ireland”, so you’d think I’d have clocked it then. But no.”


    Bizarrely, she followed up this statement by adopting an accent and laughing, “What a mistake-a to make-a!” before munching on a Cornetto and trying to wink but actually just blinking manically.


    Image: nextvoyage | Pixabay


    • News in Brief
    • •
    • Politics
    146 views0 comments
    • Lockjaw
      • May 18
      • 0 min read

    N Ireland Protocol: 700 pages, 8 hours, and descriptors in Latin



    • Cartoons
    38 views0 comments
    • Chipchase
      • Nov 20, 2021
      • 1 min read

    As NI Protocol talks become more acrimonious Johnson continues to deny the existence of Ireland

    Updated: Jan 9


    As talks over the Northern Ireland Protocol become ever more acrimonious, a source close to number ten claims that one fundamental problem is Boris Johnson's insistence that there is no such place as Ireland.


    The source wishing to remain anonymous said: ‘Advisors tried to tell Boris that Ireland is a actually a real country, and that furthermore, Britain has no control over what it decides to do. Nevertheless he just will not accept it.’


    ‘How can a bunch of funny little potato-munching fellows with green suits, silly black hats, clogs and bright orange beards be in a position to tell the UK, by which of course I really mean England, what we can and can’t do,’ Mr Johnson is understood to have told one aide when shown a photograph of Ireland taken from the International Space Station.


    It's understood the PM then suggested: ‘Anyway, that pic looks like some kind of photoshop job if you ask me. Everyone knows "dat da Oirish" are just a mythical race only existing in fairy tales or as the butt of racist jokes.


    'What’s more, my old boss Mr Trump said the only real Irish person ever to have lived starred in a movie called The Quiet Man where he played a cowboy called John Wayne.’


    Shamrocks Clover St Patrick'S Day - Free photo on Pixabay


    Get more NewsBiscuit humour on Amazon









    ‘I didn’t shit myself, I sat in coffee’ claims Republican

    Levelling up will ensure entire nation is underwater


    • News in Brief
    • •
    • Politics
    86 views0 comments
    1
    2

    Back to Top

    Subscribe for updates

    Thanks for submitting!

    • Home
    • Captions
    • About
    • All News
    • Writers' Room
    • Writer of the Month
    • Podcast
    • Shop
    • IconFlip
    • RSS
    • Amazon
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Tumblr
    • YouTube
    • Spotify
    • LinkedIn
    • Instagram

    NewsBiscuit on Flipboard

    © 2023 NewsBiscuit