Liz Truss causes diplomatic incident by trying to scrap northern Iceland Protocol

Reykjavik: Pandemonium ensued in the corridors of the Icelandic parliament today as the country’s president received a telephone call from Liz Truss who seemed to be declaring that Britain was going to annex northern Iceland.

Bjork Magnussen, spokesperson for the Iceland’s President said, “The President was left very worried and confused. The North Iceland region is one we are most proud of and is a huge source of income from tourism. Then all of a sudden we had someone from the British government banging on about a hard border with the rest of the island.

“She then bombarded the President with some statistics relating to the importing of apples and cheese before telling him she loved his Irish accent and that she thought Bono was great.

“But when the President informed her she was calling Iceland, she simply said “Oh well, I’ll have three frozen pizzas and a box of Cornettos, please.””

“We have had to refer this matter to the International Court of Justice as a diplomatic incident and await the traditional non-apology of Britain’s current Conservative government.”

When asked to comment on the debacle, Truss said, “It’s weird, when I was doing my in-depth research, the first thing it says on the Wikipedia entry is “not to be confused with Ireland”, so you’d think I’d have clocked it then. But no.”

Bizarrely, she followed up this statement by adopting an accent and laughing, “What a mistake-a to make-a!” before munching on a Cornetto and trying to wink but actually just blinking manically.

Image: nextvoyage | Pixabay

N Ireland Protocol: 700 pages, 8 hours, and descriptors in Latin

As NI Protocol talks become more acrimonious Johnson continues to deny the existence of Ireland

As talks over the Northern Ireland Protocol become ever more acrimonious, a source close to number ten claims that one fundamental problem is Boris Johnson's insistence that there is no such place as Ireland.

The source wishing to remain anonymous said: ‘Advisors tried to tell Boris that Ireland is a actually a real country, and that furthermore, Britain has no control over what it decides to do. Nevertheless he just will not accept it.’

‘How can a bunch of funny little potato-munching fellows with green suits, silly black hats, clogs and bright orange beards be in a position to tell the UK, by which of course I really mean England, what we can and can’t do,’ Mr Johnson is understood to have told one aide when shown a photograph of Ireland taken from the International Space Station.

It's understood the PM then suggested: ‘Anyway, that pic looks like some kind of photoshop job if you ask me. Everyone knows "dat da Oirish" are just a mythical race only existing in fairy tales or as the butt of racist jokes.

'What’s more, my old boss Mr Trump said the only real Irish person ever to have lived starred in a movie called The Quiet Man where he played a cowboy called John Wayne.’

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