In view of the whopping cost of building new nuclear power plants - £14bn for Sizewell C, for example - the UK is also exploring cheaper options.
'We are looking to buy some slightly used nuclear power plants from Germany,' said a government spokeswoman. 'They are in good condition, one careful owner, full service history and an excellent safety record. Germany only stopped using them for political reasons, and not for safety reasons. Definitely not.
'As the UK is technically outside the EU, any electricity generated will have to be marked NOT FOR EU. We are working on how to do that. Shouldn't be a problem.
'Our German sellers have insisted on a buyer collects approach. We will dismantle the power stations, wrap each component in bubble wrap and aluminium foil and bring them all back to the UK on commercial ferries or by using Deutsche Post, who are very efficient. For the fuel rods we will probably hire a van. This will save us a lot of money and it will all be PERFECTLY SAFE.'
'We will reassemble the pieces to make Hinckley Point D and Sizewell D power stations. If all goes well then they should be operational by 2045, or 2055 at the latest. And we will save enough money to reinstate some of the cuts to Disability benefits.
'Probably.'
