For a good many years, the power of love has been regarded as being the gold standard in power: inspiring books, songs and motion pictures. Indeed, in light of the carbon crisis now engulfing the planet, it had been hoped that it might provide an alternative energy stream, possibly something to set alongside wind, wave and solar.
We went to Sighswell C, site of a prospective Lovepower™ generation site, to find out more about this fabled engine driver. Alas, it seems that early results have proved somewhat less than satisfying.
“Initial trials left us quite impressed, because the amount of drive produced was quite potent and it seemed to be about equal for both AC and DC applications,” Prof Iterole, the director of studies informed us, “but then it swiftly tailed off and only came back online sporadically, and for inconsistent durations. Indeed, our latest findings suggest that, despite being widely lauded as this mighty thing, the power of love is in fact substantially less potent than its reputation would lead us to believe.” He sighed and gazed briefly into the middle distance. “We tried channelling it through other mediums and found that the use of diamonds for focus briefly increased the intensity, but that it soon dwindled once more and was then barely sufficient for anything beyond powering basic domestic appliances like vacuum cleaners or kitchen utensils.”
“It is quite powerful, in fact,” Anne Other, another research scientist, told us, looking up from her microscope, “but it’s also desperately short-lived – only generally capable of being exerted for periods ranging from between 47 seconds to just over five minutes. It actually makes the range of electric vehicles look impressive.” She snorted. “Nonetheless, it’s still more impressive than the other heat pumps we’ve been trialling…”
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First published 10 Aug 2024
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Hot upon the heels of turning the entire Middle East into a war zone by attacking Iran at Israel's behest, Donald Trump has agreed to give Saudi Arabia all the equipment it needs to refine material for an atomic bomb.
'Of course it's for a bomb,' chuckled a spokes-launch site for the Saudi monarchy. 'We're sitting on deep seas of oil and natural gas. Why would we want nuclear material for power stations?
'It's like this. Because Iran is building nuclear weapons, we want the technology to make them too. Then there'll be a nuclear stand-off in the Middle East between two massively brutal and unpredictable regimes.
'That's why every US leader up until now has refused to even think about giving the Saudi regime nuclear technology.
'But you know President Donald. All you have to do is hand over some money and ask.'
'It's another genius Middle East move by our president,' said a White House spokes-dimwit, 'because it means Iran will now go all out and build the atom bomb that it's spent the past 30 years tinkering about with. Then there'll be some actual nuclear warheads there for our military to blow up.'
'They'll make mushrooms clouds like you'd never believe,' crowed the US president, signing his catastrophically dumb deal with Saudi Arabia in the Oval Office. 'So never say I don't put on a show for you.'
'Are you not entertained?'
Image: WixAI
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