Trump ecstatic with small town airport being named after him

"Now I've got an honour that Obama and Sleepy Joe Biden haven't," bragged US President Donald Trump to reporters in the urinals of the newly named Trump International Airport in Nosedive, Indiana. "An airport named after me, me, me. Millions of people now are going to be starting their descent into Trump."

Trump then unveiled plans to turn the airport's control tower into the Trump Control Tower Casino and the airport baggage hall into the Trump Congress.

"I'll pass all the laws I like in my own Baggage Hall Congress," said Trump. "Then I'll veto them and pass them all again."

"And I'll be turning the airport fence into a big, beautiful airport wall. Any Air Mexico flights which try to land here will crash right into it."

Later that day, the control tower casino declared bankruptcy, the Democrats won a majority in the baggage hall Congress and Trump sold off all the planes in the airport hangars to his kleptocrat friends to use as bombers against former US allies.

Trump wants swimming certificate because Obama got one

United States President Donald Trump has expressed surprise that he hasn’t yet been presented with a swimming award, despite no evidence that he can swim. Critics say that he just jumps in feet first and thrashes about, creating massive waves.

Hardly driven by jealousy over former President Barack Obama’s swimming certificate for calmly negotiating his way through troubled waters, Trump claims to have warranted a similar prize four or five times. He says that he hasn’t been given the credit he deserves for wading in all around the world, especially in India and Pakistan. However, the Indian Prime Minister said that it was he who successfully reached the other end, and it was nothing to do with the US President.

Other world leaders have praised some of the strokes that Trump has pulled. In particular, Russia’s Vladimir Putin has expressed admiration for the US President’s front and back crawl techniques. And Israel’s Netanyahu has vowed to work with Trump on his entry into the pool with a massive bomb.

image from pixabay

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