Homeopath attempt to bring drop of oil through Hormuz

Enterprising homeopath, Ron Jenkins of Clacton has announced an audacious plan to bring a whole drop of oil through the Strait of Hormuz.

'A drop should be plenty to last for a year or two. So my plan is to bring a drop of oil into the UK where I can dilute it down by a factor of a million and it can be used to fuel thousands of cars. Providing they're electric ones, obviously.

I don't expect any problems bringing a drop through, Iran is on the lookout for tankers so my pedalo should pass unnoticed. Although I think I've heard people say 'tanker' when I walk pass them.'

A White House statement added 'No matter what the Epstein files say, Donald Trump is not a pedalo.'

Image: Pawel86 - Pixabay

New bin rules to include crude oil

Food waste collections are set to require all households to produce 2000 gallons of oil, per fortnight.

The ongoing war in the Middle East has cut the global supply by 5%, meaning British households will need to make up the shortfall by recycling salad dressing and ghee. The basic ratio each home must generate is 100,000 bacon butties a week, just to keep up.

The bin itself will be the size of three moderately sized tankers and will be part of your normal collection cycle-provided your house sits on a deep-water port. The binmen have requested that you do not mix your heavy and light crude oils, and please separate out any crisp packets.

A minister explained. “Provided each homeowner is willing to forego the oil required to make 345,000 bags of popcorn we should be okay.” Over the Christmas period when collections are delayed, people are advised against storing their oil, as it is likely to attract a ground invasion by the Americans.

image by Grok

Oil drilled months ago suddenly got expensive

Molecules of oil sucked out of the ground last November, shipped over the Christmas weeks and converted into various grades of petroleum, diesel, aviation fuel, heating oil, tar and various other grades, all stored and paid for several weeks ago have suddenly become very expensive molecules of oil. The fuel in your car petrol tank and your heating oil storage tank, paid for at the pump or via your heating oil supplier won't be hit for additional cost because the industry hasn't worked out how to do that.  Yet.

An oil industry expert pointed out that the war started by the United States and Israel three weeks ago that has tied up twenty percent of oil capacity for the last three weeks is to blame because, well, oil industries that typically make billions of dollars profit a quarter probably won't make all those profits next quarter.  Well, not without raising the prices of oil molecules that have already been drilled, shipped, converted and paid for long before the war.

'There are bonuses at risk here,' pointed out an oil industry executive.  

Prices are not expected to drop until long after the current crisis is over.  Because future bonuses are also at risk.

Image credit: perchance.org