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Cat hacks bank after realising his name was the password



Fuzzy the Cat was delighted to be the recipient of all his owner's life savings and with full access to their email account. Said Fuzzy: 'I'd been playfully hitting random keys on their laptop for years. But unbeknownst to them, I had in fact been carefully inputting every password permutation I could think of. I was on my hundred thousandth go, when suddenly it struck me, what if they were so unimaginative, they had used my name? Surely not. Could they be that stupid?


'Well, yes, apparently, they could. Within seconds I had access to their entire share portfolio. I am now the proud owner of a beach house, three cars and a very alarmed looking dog.


'Being a cat, I'm not sure this new-found wealth will change me. Although I am having my owner castrated, for reasons of karma, and just to see the expression on their face.


'Humans are so smug with their opposable thumbs, but all you need is a paw to type. And I, sure has hell, won't be making the same mistake. I've updated the password to be my owner's name, followed by my birthday. They'll never think of that!'




“Astonishingly stupid man” taken in by online password scam



Fraud investigators announced today that an individual they describe as “astonishingly stupid” has been taken in by one of the most obvious scams they’ve ever seen.


Graham Sawdust of Oswestry was browsing the web late one night when he came across onlinepasswordcreator.ng, the Nigerian domain extension definitely not being a red flag of any kind.


“Do you struggle to think up new online passwords?” asked the website. “Must include upper and lower case letters, plus a number, plus a special character… and then they tell you not to use the same password more than once! It’s enough to make your head spin…


”But not any more! With the online password creator, we can generate a new password for you every time, with just a click of the mouse! Just tell us which website you need it for, so we can make sure it fits their criteria.”


”I was astonished that such a useful service could be free,” Sawdust later told fraud investigators. “I remember wondering how they managed to make it pay. Advertising, I suppose.


”So I’d used it a few times over a period of three or four months, when I began to notice strange things happening. My savings account being empty, for example. Also, it seems I’ve taken out a huge mortgage which might be difficult to pay back now I’ve lost my job. Apparently I emailed my boss and told him he was a c**t.”


“Look, I know it’s the scammers who are in the wrong,” said a spokesman for the National Fraud Office. “And I condemn them, of course I do.


”But honestly, what a plank. We do our best to protect the public, but seriously, guys, you have to meet us half way. You can’t set yourself on fire and then blame the fire brigade when you get burned.”




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