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New phone "better in some way", experts agree

eppursimuove
Oct 18

The new phone recently released today by one of the electronics giants has been hailed by experts as "slightly better in some way than the one you already have".


"Processor speed, camera quality, screen resolution, AI integration - many of these are probably a slight improvement on the previous model. Maybe even all of them."


However, they warned that demand for the new model is likely to be so high, there may be a wait of several weeks before you can get your hands on one.


"By which time we'll be telling you to buy something else."


image by Grok


CIA call in plumber to fix their leaks

Writer: Wrenfoe
Wrenfoe
Apr 18


Tired of every kid with a Amstrad 464 being able to hack the Pentagon, the CIA has outsourced intelligence protection to Check-A-Trade. One spy confirmed: 'We're more leaky than a Joe Biden prostate examination. Data was dripping everywhere, the grouting on our hard drives was non-existent.'


Having provided a temporary fix, the plumber said: 'There's your problem. See that? You've got a huge hole in your ethics. Unless you plug that gap with some human rights or crafty lawyers, you're just going to get more leakers - and no water left to waterboard them.'


Faced with rising panic and rising damp, the CIA agreed to re-tile the whole of the secret surface. Given their predilection for war crimes, the plumber reminded them he offered a discount for repeat business: 'But cash in hand, please. I'm sure I can trust you guys not to blab to the IRS.'



First published 18 April 2023


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