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The Plaid Cymru election manifesto argues that Wales should get £4bn compensation for HS2. This is despite the fact that no houses in Wales have been knocked down, no tunnels built, and no sheep disturbed. But Plaid Cymru clearly feel that they have a case.


This has emboldened the Isle of Wight Independence Party to argue along similar lines and make rail improvements part of its platform.


Colin Card, 63, says that there is an ‘obvious’ case for investment in the railway line that runs between Ryde Pier Head and Shanklin. Colin says that a feasibility study, conducted by Norman from the model railway club, shows that the current 28 minute journey time could easily be cut to 23 minutes. The economic benefits are therefore huge, because a massive amount of productive time will be released. 'HS2 only cut 10 minutes off the journey from London to Birmingham,' says Colin, 'so our plans knock that into a cocked hat.'


Colin also says that there is also a good economic case for integrating services between Smallbrook Junction and Wootton, currently served by a heritage railway. And there is also a strong case (Norman again) for extending the existing railway from Shanklin to Ventnor, as travellers to Ventnor must currently complete their journey from Shanklin station by bus. In their wilder moments, Colin and Norman dream of a circular railway line running round the whole island. And some trains, obviously.


The islanders will be tracking the Plaid Cymru case very closely. If Wales is successful, then there should be no barrier to funding for the Isle of Wight. £4bn would be just the ticket.


Are you finding the election coverage a bit stuffy? Is something irritating you? Does something not smell quite right?


You need our special pack of election air fresheners!

We have six different kinds:


The dark blue one – this is our strongest air freshener. Poo on beaches, the awful smell of ill people you get in hospitals, burning cladding, the morning-after-the-partygate-before smell, the whiff of arrogant hypocracy – this super strong air freshener will deal with all of this, and more.


The red one – this one doesn’t smell of anything at all.  You can sniff as hard as you like.   Some people think that they can detect a very subtle scent, but they’re kidding themselves.  It smells of absolutely nothing.


The green one – this is a glorious combination of smells – pine, the inside of your recycling bin, bat poo.  All with the exciting tang of LGBTQ+.  It definitely doesn’t smell of carbon dioxide.


The light blue one – not a subtle fragrance – exactly the opposite, in fact.   People tell us that the aroma changes according to your location.  Sometimes it smells of pavements cleaned with disinfectant.  Sometimes it smells of beer (usually a pint of bitter).   Sometimes it smells of opportunism.  Sometimes it smells just like the dark blue one.


The scottish one – this one smells of heather, thistles, aberdeen angus cattle, sporrans that have been aged in oak barrels, and batter.   Why not buy one for your motorhome?


The yellowy-orange one – this one smells of small children laughing in the playground.   It’s a light-hearted aroma, not a serious one.  Perhaps this scent would work best in combination with one of the others?


All six for fifty quid, because our generosity nose no bounds.   GB only.  Not available in Northern Ireland.  Not a toy.  Keep away from children (not a warning, just advice).  Offer ends 4th July 2024.


image from pixabay


Here are some of the tracks on the new album 'Now 2024: Now That's What I Call A General Election' -


Conservative - 'Easy Come, Easy Go' by Elvis Presley

Labour - 'I Heard It On The Grapevine' by Marvin Gaye

Lib Dems - 'Don't You Forget About Me' by Simple Minds

Green - 'Imagine' by John Lennon

SNP - 'My Perfect Cousin' by The Undertones

Reform - 'We're Only Making Plans for Nigel' by XTC

Plaid Cymru - 'My Little Empire' by the Manic Street Preachers

Count Binface - 'All I Ask Of Myself Is That I Hold It Together' by Ned's Atomic Dustbin

DUP - 'I'm Going Slightly Mad' by Queen

Sinn Fein - 'Brothers in Arms' by Dire Straits

Britain First - 'Run Like Hell' by Pink Floyd


Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

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