Are you finding the election coverage a bit stuffy? Is something irritating you? Does something not smell quite right?
You need our special pack of election air fresheners!
We have six different kinds:
The dark blue one – this is our strongest air freshener. Poo on beaches, the awful smell of ill people you get in hospitals, burning cladding, the morning-after-the-partygate-before smell, the whiff of arrogant hypocracy – this super strong air freshener will deal with all of this, and more.
The red one – this one doesn’t smell of anything at all. You can sniff as hard as you like. Some people think that they can detect a very subtle scent, but they’re kidding themselves. It smells of absolutely nothing.
The green one – this is a glorious combination of smells – pine, the inside of your recycling bin, bat poo. All with the exciting tang of LGBTQ+. It definitely doesn’t smell of carbon dioxide.
The light blue one – not a subtle fragrance – exactly the opposite, in fact. People tell us that the aroma changes according to your location. Sometimes it smells of pavements cleaned with disinfectant. Sometimes it smells of beer (usually a pint of bitter). Sometimes it smells of opportunism. Sometimes it smells just like the dark blue one.
The scottish one – this one smells of heather, thistles, aberdeen angus cattle, sporrans that have been aged in oak barrels, and batter. Why not buy one for your motorhome?
The yellowy-orange one – this one smells of small children laughing in the playground. It’s a light-hearted aroma, not a serious one. Perhaps this scent would work best in combination with one of the others?
All six for fifty quid, because our generosity nose no bounds. GB only. Not available in Northern Ireland. Not a toy. Keep away from children (not a warning, just advice). Offer ends 4th July 2024.
image from pixabay