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Spaceship approaching Earth is probably a comet, say aliens


Aliens who have been hiding in plain sight for millennia and controlling every aspect of human endeavour have broken cover to deny the spaceship named 3I/ATLAS is a spacecraft and is really just a comet. 


Unzipping his human exoskeleton to reveal his lizard body the leader of Reform stated clearly that any similarities between the comet and a spacecraft are coincidental and there is nothing to worry about, other than it being on a crash vector certain to wipe out all civilised life in about three month's time.


He also added that impact would absolutely confirm that Reform would be elected to lead the next government.


image from pixabay

NASA to prevent Earth colliding with second Trump Presidency



Having fired probes into oncoming asteroids, NASA is hopeful they can knock Donald Trump out of his political trajectory. Warned one scientist: 'A large orange ball is heading right for the White House and every time Joe Biden opens his mouth, this lump picks up momentum.'


The impact of Trump would be seismic, with liberals flattened in every direction. Last time he created a crater the size of Manhattan - and that was just the indentation his arse left on the memory foam mattress.


'If hitting it with a probe won't make him budge, we can always send the FBI round again.'



First published 27 Sep 2022


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Trump takes credit for planetary alignment


President Trump today explained that his administration was responsible for the unusual planetary alignment that allowed no less than seven planets to be visible in the sky last night.


'Would never have happened with sleepy Joe' he told assembled White House reporters. 'This is a great day for American astrologers… astroturfers… whatever the hell they are.'


He went on to say that now the planets were obeying his bidding, it was time to think about opening hotel/casino resorts on other worlds.


'We’re calling it Mars-a-Lago, it’s gonna be great, the best thing ever. You get on one of Elon’s spaceships at Cape Canaveral, and assuming it doesn’t blow up on launch - and they’re getting much better, believe me - you’re there in 7–8 months.'


Asked whether people would really want to travel so far just to visit a barren wasteland with no atmosphere, he replied, 'People go to Atlantic City, don’t they?'


'Besides, that’s based on where Mars is now. We’re gonna be bringing it much closer. And by the way, don’t believe the people who say that would mess up gravity, or whatever, that’s just a Big Science conspiracy theory. Teach the controversy.'


Picture credit: Freepik AI

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