In what was supposed to be a dispute over copyright, Mr. Sheeran unwittingly provoked anger in the courtroom, by inflicting his music on others. One juror was seen to be bleeding from the ears, while others began self-harming.
Eye witnesses confirmed Mr. Sheeran had gone on a spree, killing one tune after another, with the same 'bloody guitar'. Showing how he composed, jurors likened it to a serial killer reinacting his crimes, but where the screaming is off key.
Police found his 'trophy room' with the grisly remains of Grammys and a half-eaten Elton John. On summation, the Judge said: 'For crimes against music, I sentence you to be hung by the guitar string until dead.'
