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GB News to attend PMQs



With more backbench Conservative MPs joining GB News, and Dominic Raab allegedly bullying his way into a daytime job with them, it has been decided that employees from the unbiased fact service will sit in the government back benches during PMQs.


They will act like schoolchildren, braying at the opposition and laughing at poo-poo-face name-calling, to release the presenters from the tedium of doing what the taxpayer pays them to do.


'This sounds like a pragmatic arrangement,' said a GB News spokesman, adding, 'and it should only last until the next election, anyway'.



No 10 hired hypnotist to get Liz Truss to PMQs



A team of crack hypnotherapists was flown in to prep the PM for her next commons appearance.


“It was one of the toughest cases we’ve ever had”, said one of the hypnotists. “I’m usually hired by people trying to get through a Best Man’s speech without puking. The key is to find the person’s ‘anchor’, something they can visualise to calm themselves down. In Liz’s case it was apparently something called ‘pork markets? Whatever works”.


Frontbenchers drew lots to see who sat next to the PM during PMQs. The unfortunate losers were advised to wear a cheap suit as the risk of vomiting was high.


“If this didn’t work, we were prepared to use Rohypnol to get her into the chamber”, a spokesman told us. “Several of our Members volunteered some from their personal supply. Okay, she sounded robotic, flat and incapable of original thought, but what's new?”


Massive search underway after last piece of Liz Truss’s credibility ‘goes out of window’



A huge police search was under way for Liz Truss’s credibility after the final piece of it was said to have gone out of the window at PMQs.


‘She only had a very tiny bit of credibility in the first place’ said a spokesperson for the Met Police ‘and this was kept constantly guarded under lock and key inside Number 10 by our trusty, highly respected officers’.


‘Unfortunately, even this miniscule remaining amount has now somehow managed to escape - with someone so incompetent like Truss this sort of thing can occasionally happen, continued the spokesperson.'


‘We were all busy watching Truss flounder as Keir Starmer did his stand-up routine at Prime Ministers Questions and as Truss said, 'I'm a fighter not a quitter', the last piece of her credibility must have taken the chance to leg it out of the number 10 window.


‘We want to reassure the public though that having a bit of her credibility on the loose isn’t dangerous’, said the spokesperson. ‘You won’t be able to see it with the naked eye, as it is really very small. And it has a very short half-life – we know this as it has deteriorated incredibly rapidly even over the last few days.’


The news comes on the back of a number of other high-profile losses in recent months, including Boris Johnson's integrity and any semblance of government competence.



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