Police object to Blackpool swingers club licence application

Lancashire police have said that they are against an alcohol and music licence for a Blackpool swingers club.

The club, called Swapsies and based in Rose Street in the town, said that it could not afford to pay for a door steward, one of the conditions that the police cited for objecting to the licence.

However, Blackpool Council have the ultimate decision in granting the licence and the licencing committee have yet to meet.

David Rose, convenor of the committee, stated:  'Blackpool Council has not yet come to a decision regarding the application for a licence for this venue and will only do so after a six-month long feasibility study into the club and its practices. Now... where did I put my car keys...?'

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Cluedo Withdrawn as Weapon Pieces Used in Real Murder

Toy store shelves across the world were today being emptied of all versions of the classic Cluedo murder mystery board game after a pensioner was brutally murdered by someone armed with 4 of the "murder weapon" pieces in the game.

73 year-old James Perbright was found beaten by the lead pipe, strung up by his fingers with several of the miniature ropes, stabbed in both eyes with the dagger, and had the candle stick wedged in his throat. The culprit has not been found but police have ruled out the local vicar, the maid, and the university Professor living next door.

Waddingtons immediately reacted to the disturbing incident by recalling all games both in the shops and those already sold to prevent a repeat. "No one envisaged that such small things could be as deadly as if they were full-size," said a company spokesman.

Police are using the clue that at least five games may have been bought at once to obtain the ropes needed for both hands as a line of enquiry.

Meanwhile, MB, Mattel and Waddingtons are looking into other board games to establish if similar risks exist anywhere else in their ranges.

Rumours that a cartel of people traffickers have been using the Operation board game accessories to take out migrants' organs for sale have not yet been disproven by investigators.

Photo: Newsbiscuit Archive

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Tourists turn UK's cutest cathedral cities into riot zones

Police battling neo-Nazis in balaclavas in Portsmouth and Dover have been pulled off the job to break up riots in abbey ruins and antique shops from Harrogate to St Austells, all of which have been sparked by the new tourist tax on overnight stays.

'I signed up for a three-week tour of England's historic castles,' said Ingrid from Sweden, hurling a brick through the windows of a Visit Britain branch in Kenilworth. 'Then they put a 5% levy on my hotel bill and I'm having to sleep on the streets for the last week of my holiday.'

'They say they'll cap the tourist tax at 5%,' said Kamikaze Hirohito from Nagasaki, up-ending tables in the Polly Tearooms in Marlborough. 'But I bet it'll be just like student tuition fees. They'll hike and hike the rate until we're thousands of quid in debt and having to spend the rest of our lives paying it off.'

In Canterbury, Winchester and Durham, militants from the Tourists Revolutionary Party hurled souvenir fridge magnets and packets of shortbread at police lines. Government ministers are in talks with tour leaders to try and persuade them to appeal for calm.

Image: Chbec - Pixabay