Britain's biscuit industry has today been left reeling following the government's announcement Police and Crime Commissioners will be scrapped during the current parliamentary term.
A spokesman for NAD (National Association of Dunkers) said: 'This will hit the biscuit industry hard as our research shows that more than 85% of the nation's biscuit sales come from commissioners' meetings. Some argue these meetings are pointless and achieve nothing worthwhile but our industry disagrees vehemently.
'Take my own local commissioner... old... erm... whoever he is. Now what's his name... you know? ... OK, it's a fair cop.'
Image: Aghilms - Pixabay
"We managed to find a wrongly released prisoner who was hanging around in plain sight without shooting him, or stamping on his head and then covering it up by fabricating witness statements," boasted a spokes-Taser for the Met Police.
"That's why we're organising a victory parade for ourselves from Chelmsford to Finsbury Park, handing out the Hadush Kebatu Victory Medal to everyone involved in the complex task of tracking him down when he had told us where he was.
"We can be truly proud that we managed to apprehend someone within two days who wasn't actually trying to hide from us and managing not to arrest someone else instead, like Mr Ed the Talking Horse, and beating them senseless in the Charing Cross station cells."
image from google gemini