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Police called in after BBC accusations



The police have been called in after allegations have been aired on the BBC in relation to a certain unnamed political party.


The broadcaster has suggested that the party has indulged in bribery, corruption, cronyism, sexual harassment, drunkenness, drug taking, criminal economic incompetence, criminal stupidity, hypocrisy, racism, lying to Parliament, homophobia, xenophobia and judging by the behaviour of the vast majority of members, hydrophobia.


The Twittersphere is in meltdown whilst people try to work out who the political party is. Already the Whigs and the Monster Raving Loony parties have denied it is them and have threatened legal action.


Speaking on condition of anonymity, MP Andrea Leadsom said ‘The BBC would do well to put its’ own house in order before making baseless accusations. And I would remind the Corporation of two little words – ‘Licence’ and ‘Fee’.


Meanwhile at New Scotland Yard Captain Renault briefed the media on the case. “You would think that after over 13 years of resignations, arrests and convictions these hardened reprobates would have learned their lessons – but alas no”. He sighed wearily and concluded “Round up the usual suspects”.



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First published 11 Jul 2023


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Touring mime troupe vanishes


Authorities in the quiet town of Stokely-on-the-Wey have not seen any signs of the members of a traveling mime group since their mysterious disappearance Saturday evening.


Eyewitnesses’ accounts of what transpired have only served to muddle the investigation. One observer commented, 'I didn’t think they were very good to begin with. I couldn’t figure out what they were going on about.' No one in the audience seemed to know whether the troupe had finished their show or were still 'mucking about' when they went missing.'


Town Mayor Harold Mitten said that the Hear-no-Evil Mime Troupe had been invited to town for the annual Stokely-on-the-Wey Husking Festival. He said that the Council knew about the troupe solely through what they had seen on the troupe’s website, which contained only photographs and film clips.


Chief Constable Cecil Wheathrop commented, 'It was difficult to get a clear picture of what transpired because most of the members of the audience had lost interest in the performance shortly after it commenced.'


Mrs Jean Aintree said, 'I brought my children with me, and I was extremely disappointed to see that when the mimes performed the classic 'trapped-in-a-box' routine, they relied on a huge cardboard box instead of the customary illusion of a glass-walled box. At that point we stopped paying attention.'


Weaththrop added, 'Based on eyewitness testimony, it is possible that the troupe didn’t actually disappear: they may have merely dispersed; in any event, we still have seen neither hide nor hair of them, and needless to say, we have heard nothing from them.'




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