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The USA has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act



The USA has been sectioned under the Mental Health Act after a six-week stand off which saw 80 countries impacted and their security put at risk.


The UN has warned several countries to strength their defences over the past few days because they believed the USA was "planning military action against friendly countries."


The incident came to an end on Wednesday night following a stand off with police, when officers arrested the nation on suspicion of cultivation of fake news, conspiracy theories and offences under the explosives act.


Police said today that the 249-year-old nation has been sectioned under section 2 of the Mental Health Act 1983.


It has been bailed to return to Acton Police Station at a date in mid-September, while a mental health assessment is completed.


image from pixabay


Police to be replaced by email autoresponder



In a new cost-cutting measure, it was announced today that the police service will be disbanded and replaced by an email autoresponder. 


'We’ve been paving the way for this for years,” said a spokesman today. “You report a burglary via a website, you get an email giving you a crime number, and then literally nothing else happens. By now, no one in their wildest dreams imagines a copper will actually come to their house to take a statement or dust for fingerprints, let alone that their property will ever be recovered.


'The email will include a link to Victim Support, though obviously it’ll be provided by AI rather than an actual person. You’ll be asked how much the crime has upset you on a scale of 1-10, then the system will respond with the appropriate level of transparently fake sympathy.'


However, some have objected that while this might be OK for trivial crimes like burglary and assault, it’s entirely inappropriate for serious crimes like sexist language and refusing to respect someone’s preferred pronouns.



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