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With the Government announcing new measures against internet pornography, such as face recognition, the rise of the porn hipster is being seen as a booming subculture. The ubiquity and sheer volume of web porn is now being shunned for items such as magazines, VHS tapes and CD-ROMs.


"I like a bit of porn as much as the next person, " said John Smith (a false name), "but the measures the Government are introducing are draconian and quite frankly driving us underground to more analogue sources."


Mr Smith took us into a room in his house which contained rows upon rows of, his words, "Jazz Mags" and "Mucky Videos".


"We've seen people come back to vinyl in their droves and this is a similar trend. Ebay is teeming with your Mayfairs, your Fiestas, your Penthouses etc. I saw a first edition continental Privat from the 80s go for £600 last week. Basically, we're seeing the rise of the artisanal wank mag."


Mr Smith showed us around some of the material in his room, some of which was quite eye catching. He had even brought his teenage years "wanking chariot" lazyboy chair out of retirement, much to praise of his online friends.


"Taking that old thing for a spin with a March 1984 Reader's Wives was like going back in time", he told us as he asked us to leave as he 'had something to attend to'.


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Following Elon Musk's change to the platform, many have taken the opportunity to explore x-rated Twitter content, using the rebrand as the perfect cover story. 'I just assumed 'XXX Birds' was just an innocent name,' coughed one husband awkwardly, unable to make eye contact. 'It's just like that time I meant to click on FaceBook but ended up spending $500 and an entire weekend on P$ornhub.'


Mr. Musk denied that he was boosting traffic to his faltering platform, by implying that its content was far more explicit - and it was a complete coincidence that the Twitter Bird has been replaced by a pair of undulating breasts. An aide remarked: 'X simply marks the spot... possibly the G spot.'


Forced to retire, the Twitter emblem - in order to make ends meet - is now ironically working in the adult film industry.


With Musk claiming X as the new name for Twitter, letters of the alphabet are running out fast. SnapChat plans to rebrand as S. WhatsApp plans to rebrand as ? Facebook will change its name to f, matching its logo. The Russian Army has already claimed Z. Insta, formerly Instagram, will become I, a move that a British news rag plans to challenge. Wikipedia will become Y. Three will become 3. Greggs will become known just by the mathematical symbol for pi.


Economists have calculated that all this rebranding will give a massive boost to brand consultants and have no measurable impact on consumers.


H/T: deskpilot

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