The government is taking action on potholes.
A spokesman told us, 'Potholes are a big issue on the doorstep, and in the road. We're keen to show that we're addressing the everyday issues, like potholes, that affect hard-working families. And working people. And NASCAR Dads. And Mondeo man.
'Was Mondeo man invented by a focus group? Never mind.
'The great thing about potholes is that we know where we stand. Potholes are bad. There are no good potholes. And potholes are caused by the weather, and everyone knows that we can't control the weather. Putin can, but we can't. It's an affordability issue. Difficult decisions. Broadest shoulders. You know.
'The situation in Gaza is scary. Iran is scary. Venezuela and Cuba and Syria and Greenland and Ukraine are scary. And hard to understand. But potholes are only a bit scary, and they are easy to understand. So we are comfortable about declaring war on potholes.
'Just don't ask me about any of those countries - too complicated. Shifting sands. Shifty operators.
'It's so hard to know what to believe these days. Keir has sent everyone a book called War for Dummies, but it's way too long. We're waiting for the podcast.
'So we have nominated January as pothole month, and we will be laser focused on potholes. We'll be counting them, ranking them and giving prizes for the biggest one. That's all we have the bandwidth for. Nothing else. Just potholes.'
hat tip to Titus for title
Teeside council have admitted that they are using paintings of tarmac to disguise many of the potholes in local roads.
Local artists have been hired to render realistic images of tarmac and other road surfaces, to enable the potholes to blend in to the highway.
But residents have pointed out that the holes are still holes, and now that they are less visible they represent an even greater danger to cars.
The council released a statement saying the measure was not intended to disguise the road maintenance problem, and that they had commissioned local artists to "promote community relations" and "support the local art scene"
But locals suspect there may be another reason the council have made this unusual move.
"They're just doing it to cover up the English flags I painted in the holes", said a resident who did not want to be named. "I was trying to see if it would force them to fix the potholes. Pity it didn't work"
"But I've started painting the Israel flag instead" He said. "That works a bit better. I got one hole filled in with manure"
Image: MabelAmber - Pixabay