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Charles pleased to meet Rishi but insists he ordered Chicken Dhansak not Biryani



World famous royalist, His Majesty King Charles Carbuncle the Third, has made the first major gaffe of his reign.


A palace spokesperson said it was way more embarrassing than the exploding pen incident: ‘His majesty and her royal shakiness decided to order in an organic, free-range Ruby Murray for breakfast. It was just bad timing that Mr Sunak arrived soon afterwards, offering to light some candles to celebrate Diwali and share some of his wife’s home-cooked food. She’d had it flown in from Delhi on her private jet.


Unfortunately, His most gracious majesty put two and two together and assumed Mr Sunak was a waiter.


Still, the King managed to look on the bright side. After all, it’s not every day the response to his terminally dull question, ‘and what do you do?’ comes back with the answer, ‘I’m the prime minister.’



Great Offices of State downgraded to Shite Offices



By overwhelming popular demand, the original 'Great Offices of State' will now be called Shite Offices of State.


Guarder of Shite (formerly Home Secretary) - Blaming the unemployed, minorities, disabled people and whoever might be likely to beat them in an election, and calling them "Shite".


Thrower of Shite (formerly Foreign Secretary) - Blaming the EU, foreigners, Russia, Rwanda, Greece, Argentina, Germany, France, and probably any nation, foreigner or even people who look or sound a little foreign, including anyone outside of London and the South East, and especially if Scots, Welsh, or Irish, and calling them all "Shite".


Counter of Shite (formerly Chancellor of the Exchequer) - Balancing the debts against the future debts, shite or otherwise, and looking at new and inventive ways of making people believe that shite happens, and they'll have to pay for it, while also telling them that shite can't happen to them, cos they are too rich or posh, and don't shite. Also referring to anyone with less than ten million of assets, as "Shite".


Head Shite Kicker (formerly Prime Minister) - In this role, the shite gets real, and you need your wits about you to avoid shite sticking to you. Of course, you'll have ample opportunity to kick shite into the long grass, and if you try to throw enough shite at the wall, some of it will stick. And of course, calling random people "Shite", cos it's a top job, with no legal penalties. Do what you want. Say what you want.



A former government source gave his take on things, because he wouldn't talk when he was actually in the government. After some gentle persuasion and a few grand, he gave his wisdom:


'I guess the shite has really hit the fan. The government has no fans left and perhaps that's why they have no shites to give.


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