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Britain's next Prime Minister to be decided by Christmas raffle




As Rishi Sunak approaches the mid-way point of his 44 days allocated as British Prime Minister, the members of the conservative party's 1922 Committee have begun preparations for selecting his successor. Each person who would like to be considered for the top job will be given an ice cream tub filled with raffle tickets to sell.


Whomever sells the winning ticket will become the next Prime Minister, with the person who sells the most tickets being guaranteed the role of Deputy Prime Minister, should they fail the win the first prize.


In an unusually charitable act, all funds raised by the sale of raffle tickets will be kindly donated to the Labour party, via their Kickstarter campaign to pay for their leader, Kier Starmer's personality transplant.


When asked for comment, justice secretary Dominic Raab replied 'How many shall I put you down for?


Rishi Sunak not expected to say anything before 2024



The new prime-minister is expected to continue his successful policy of silence into number 10.


A Sunak supporter has explained the decision:


"If you look back at the previous 4 prime ministers, pretty much everything that's gone wrong is down to them opening their big, stupid mouths. Not saying anything has won him the support of the majority of MPs and he is now the prime minister. This is all as a result of not saying a thing; in fact, technically I don't think he's even said he's standing as leader."


When asked when we could expect any kind of statement of policy from Mr Sunak, the supporter explained. "Never. Personally, I don't think he'll say anything before the next election and probably not afterwards."


It's expected that future PMQs will take the form of interpretive mime.



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