Conversation in Parliament Square

Geoffrey Boycott to replace Imran Khan as Pakistani leader

The Pakistani government has made a controversial choice by choosing to elect outspoken former Yorkshire cricketer and grumpy old bugger, Geoffrey Boycott, as a replacement for outgoing Prime Minister, Imran Khan. Mr Khan's supporters are furious that he has been dropped and have taken to the streets, demanding action replays and use of the DRS.

Boycott has agreed to pad up and walk out to the crease and has promised to put Pakistan back on the world map.

"Khan was OK as a one day Prime Minister, or even a 20-20 leader but, on the big occasions, he needed to use his skills better and put in much more effort. He needed more games and not just on Sunday afternoons", he told our reporter.

He continued, "Khan has had a terrible innings. My grandmother could have done a better job than that."

Boycott is said to have already put together a Trophy Cabinet, his first eleven, which includes Wasim Akram, Waqar Younis, and Dickie Bird as Chancellor of the Exchequer.

Boycott's grandmother was unavailable for comment.

700+ Free Pakistan & Nature Photos (pixabay.com)

Johnson looking for donor to pay his fine

With Russian donors sanctioned, the Conservatives are turning to Lords and Ladies of the Realm to pay their Partygate fines. 'It is unconscionable for a sitting Prime Minister to be found guilty of breaking laws he created and expect him to pay the penalty,' suggested a Conservative spokesman. A number 10 spokesman has suggested that an offcut from the living room wallpaper could be used in lieu of actual payment.

In the meantime the Prime Minister, who has suggested there might be a tear in the space/time continuum, has insisted that a special scientific enquiry should be undertaken to prove or disprove the theory. 'Should only take about ten years to appoint suitable people to run the enquiry, and another fifty to build a time distorting machine to test the theory, plus maybe another fifty to work out how to go back in time to mend the fabric. Then we can decide if the fines need to be paid,' said the Prime Minister, noting that Russian donors might be back on the scene by then.