Income tax to be reduced to negative 4% and all NI contributions to date to be repaid - Sunak

At what looks like possibly a desperate attempt to win back control of the leadership contest, ex-Chancellor Rishi Sunak's team has suggested he's contemplating paying 'so-called taxpayers' four pence in the pound for every pound they earn over their allowance, and refunding every single National Insurance payment ever made to all qualifying tax-payers*. He is understood to be considering crowd-funding the NHS as the most sustainable and realistic method and cancelling all of the backlog of appointments 'to give the NHS a clear start'**

His opponent, Liz Truss, is understood to have offered to double or quits anything Rishi has said, with bells on. So there.

*Only applies to Tory donors and Conservative Party members

** Does not apply to Tory Donors and Conservative Party members

Image: Pixabay/InspiredImages

Leveling Up: If Liz Truss can be PM any idiot can

Giving hope to nitwits everywhere, the Foreign Secretary has thrown her hat in the ring - the one that says dunce on it. Running to be Prime Minister, she promised low taxes and a better sheep's bladder, to hit herself over the head with.

Said one aspiring blockhead: 'I always felt I was under qualified to run a country, or even a bath. But Liz has proven it's not what you know...um... that's it, that's the end of that phrase'.

Running under the slogan 'A village idiot but on a national level, Truss is said to be a frontrunner, provided she gets someone to help her with her shoelaces. Having put the dumb into referendum, she would now focus on getting into Number 10, just as soon as she had mastered numbers one through to nine.

image from pixabay

More candidates for PM come forward