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Imposter PM phoned by Ukrainian


An investigation has been launched into how someone like Boris Johnson could get anywhere near being prime-minister after a Ukrainian was put through to Mr Johnson after calling 10 Downing Street and asking to speak to the PM.


"I have to admit I just panicked", explained the number 10 telephone operator in question, "The gentleman called and asked to speak to the prime-minister. I'd been given instructions not to let anyone speak to Mr Johnson unless they were offering a photo opportunity in a hospital or a lot of money, but somehow I forgot that and now the Ukraine government know the truth."


First published 20 Mar 2022



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Keir Starmer last seen in Trump's anus


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What was meant to be a Presidential visit, has turned into a rectal holiday to remember. No soon had the UK's servile Prime Minister landed, then he covered himself in a vat of industrial jelly and sprinted to The White House for warm interior of Trump's sphincter.


The 'special relationship' is now closer than ever and comes with a free prostate examination.


Surviving on a diet of Big Mac remains, Starmer plans to remain in this lower cavity until his popularity improves - which could be never.


Sir Keith (sp) is not the first PM to disappear up a President's butt, but he is the first one to enjoy it. Asked why the PM had seen so keen, an aide remarked: 'He heard that Peter Mandelson was enjoying his time in Washington, so he just wanted to hook up with all the other little shits.'


image from pixabay


Schrodinger's Queen is both dead and alive



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Rumours persist that the death of the Monarch is being concealed - at least until the next slow news day. These whispers have been exasperated by sightings of Prince Charles, laughing maniacally in a new frock.

The press has noted panic buying of black armbands and corgi shaped floral bouquets. The Prime Minister, himself, is said to have already block-booked all available slots of 'two minutes of silence.'

A palace spokeswoman confirmed: 'The Queen was seen alive and well at a local Pizza Express.'



First published 24 Feb 2022



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