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Maxwell imprisoned for sex trafficking to no one

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It has been revealed that the Epstein client list never existed. Jimmy Saville was a harmless DJ. And Prince Andrew just likes paying random ladies £12m. This does mean Ghislaine Maxwell has spent more time in jail for a crime she didn't commit than the A-Team.


Her defence lawyer explained: 'If no clients existed, then all Miss Maxwell is guilty of is giving a bunch of teenage girls a lovely holiday on an empty island. It's like a jolly Duke of Edinburgh award - without the other Duke.'


The public are gutted that all their conspiracy theories have disappeared - along with all the witnesses. Said one CIA operative: 'You think you were duped? Imagine how silly we feel after killing Jeffrey Epstein!'



Weight of Royal medals may have caused structural damage to Buckingham Palace balcony

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Weight of Royal medals may have caused structural damage to Buckingham Palace balcony, say engineers


The weight of military medals, ceremonial paraphernalia and assorted pearl necklaces could have caused serious structural damage to the balcony at Buckingham Palace warn engineers.


Workers tasked with restoring the Palace say they have came across cracks and crumbling infrastructure that have left the balcony in a dangerous condition.


‘The type of damage we found on site is typically associated with excessive weight and impact trauma….the balcony was not built to carry the sort of excessive burden put on it by the current Royal family’ said engineer Jason Beasley ‘the load bearing lintels were designed to carry a modest sized family wearing bonnets and waving silk fans….not rocking a battalion of service medals and military hardware usually seen at a victory day parade in Moscow


Add to that the amount of gold jewellery and pearl necklaces worn by Camilla and it is no wonder the balcony is in danger of collapse’, "The Royals should either take it in turns venturing out on to the balcony to wave at the crowds or scale back on the amount of medals they wear."


‘It all started with the Prince Albert….but thankfully Andrew isn’t allowed on the balcony anymore’.


image from pixabay


Epstein List and British Honours List to merge

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The Soviets described it as Kompromat, but most just call it Prince Andrew. This is the use of sexual blackmail to control the rich and powerful or to get Peter Mandelson his own Netflix special. It is now such a sign of prestige to be caught between two Ukranian rent boys, that anyone not on the Epstein List is just not trying hard enough.


Some politicians need to be tricked into a honey trap, whereas someone like Bill Clinton has his own CIA sponsored OnlyFans site. Cynics refer to the UK'S OBE as the Order of Bibi & Epstein. Suggesting that the Venn Diagram of politicians with a sex tape and who are supporting genocide is now a perfect circle.


Epstein's list matches Hansard and is longer than the phone book. Said one S7 leader: 'No one knows how many are compromised, but I can guarantee we all f$$k like Gods!'


image from pixabay


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