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Crowdfunding fails

What are the worst things to see on a crowdfunding site - the one's that are so misguided and wrong, and that no-one in their right mind is ever going to give money to? We asked our correspondents for their thoughts – and here they are...


Fundraising for the undeserving


  • Help out of work celebrities reverse their awful Botox


  • Give Elon Musk his $288m back (refunding his support for the Trump campaign in 2024)


  • The re-elect Liz Truss campaign


  • The Colorado Beetle appreciation society


  • Lets buy Meghan a damehood, and James Corden a knighthood


  • I need £100k to win back my gambling debts of £200k


  • Help fund Prince Andrew's legal costs


  • Plausible deniability training for tax evaders


Fundraising for pointless things


  • Return the Mary Rose to the sea-bed


  • More bat tunnels for HS2


  • Restart manufacture of black & white telly's


  • Invent the room darkening light bulb


  • Expand the network of wasp nests to discourage picnics


  • Acting lessons for footballers to enable them to feign injury more convincingly


  • Amplifiers to be fitted to grunting tennis players


  • Boris Johnson: The Movie


Fundraising for things that sound very risky


  • Funding to cross-breed the Chihuahua and Saint Bernard


  • Scuba diving for COPD sufferers


  • Prophet Muhammed drawing classes


  • Campaign for even more ultra processed food


  • Help foreign powers build new and better Covid variants


Fundraising for things that are just weird and alarming


  • Arse of Boris Johnson, facing France, to be carved into White Cliffs of Dover


  • Get a comments section stitched onto the end of the Bayeux tapestry.


  • Provide free hanky's to go with every panky


  • Volume two of David Cameron's memoirs


  • Help fund the banning of crowdfunding



Writing credits: contributions from deskpilot, will, sinnick, rowly, FlashArry, midfield diamond, james_doc

Picture credit: Wix AI


Maxwell imprisoned for sex trafficking to no one

It has been revealed that the Epstein client list never existed. Jimmy Saville was a harmless DJ. And Prince Andrew just likes paying random ladies £12m. This does mean Ghislaine Maxwell has spent more time in jail for a crime she didn't commit than the A-Team.


Her defence lawyer explained: 'If no clients existed, then all Miss Maxwell is guilty of is giving a bunch of teenage girls a lovely holiday on an empty island. It's like a jolly Duke of Edinburgh award - without the other Duke.'


The public are gutted that all their conspiracy theories have disappeared - along with all the witnesses. Said one CIA operative: 'You think you were duped? Imagine how silly we feel after killing Jeffrey Epstein!'



Weight of Royal medals may have caused structural damage to Buckingham Palace balcony

Weight of Royal medals may have caused structural damage to Buckingham Palace balcony, say engineers


The weight of military medals, ceremonial paraphernalia and assorted pearl necklaces could have caused serious structural damage to the balcony at Buckingham Palace warn engineers.


Workers tasked with restoring the Palace say they have came across cracks and crumbling infrastructure that have left the balcony in a dangerous condition.


‘The type of damage we found on site is typically associated with excessive weight and impact trauma….the balcony was not built to carry the sort of excessive burden put on it by the current Royal family’ said engineer Jason Beasley ‘the load bearing lintels were designed to carry a modest sized family wearing bonnets and waving silk fans….not rocking a battalion of service medals and military hardware usually seen at a victory day parade in Moscow


Add to that the amount of gold jewellery and pearl necklaces worn by Camilla and it is no wonder the balcony is in danger of collapse’, "The Royals should either take it in turns venturing out on to the balcony to wave at the crowds or scale back on the amount of medals they wear."


‘It all started with the Prince Albert….but thankfully Andrew isn’t allowed on the balcony anymore’.


image from pixabay


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