1922 Committee meet to discuss Prince Andrew

Despite Boris Johnson and Prince Andrew being the only two people to look back on 2021 fondly, Tory Grandees are meeting to discuss their uncertain future – and whether there is a good reality TV to be made from this. Said one observer: ‘The similarities are startling. Both men get invited to all the wrong parties. Both are social distanced from the facts. And both have the caused the Queen considerable embarrassment – and she used to be married to Prince Phillip!’

The Chair of the 1922 said: ‘After a heated debate, we have concluded that the Prince is a lying lothario. A man of weak morals and an untrustworthy character. And it is on those grounds that we heartily endorse the Prince to become the new Leader of the Conservative Party’.

Image: Pixabay/Mary_R_Smith

Andrew's lawyers caught coaching defence witnesses

Palace announces that Prince Andrew has started sweating again

Buckingham Palace are delighted to announce today that Prince Andrew has spontaneously started to sweat again, following years of sticky shutout and clammy calm.

'We had thought that the condition was permanent,' said a foot person, 'But this morning we discovered Andrew Albert Christian Edward, Duke of York, KG, DNR, GCVO, ASBO, DUI, swimming in a vast pool of his own spontaneous secretions. He was calling for help and babbling that he would be next. We assumed, of course, he meant next in line for the throne. It is constitutionally impossibly that he meant anything else.'

It appears that the prince had panicked, for some reason. On awakening, the royal panic rode along the ancient nerve pathways and alerted the venerable sweat glands with the traditional call of 'fucking hell, run!'. The glands then came to the rescue of the royal corpus, as so many of his glands had done before. And lo, the prince erupted.

'We assume they were sleeper glands' said a royal doctor, 'because that's easier than admitting that he was probably sweating all along.'

Despite concerns about the causes of Andrew's self-fulfilling persperity, the palace is putting a positive spin on things, saying in a press release today that at least the design of the royal memorial Andrew fountain is sorted.

Andrew continues to deny any Lynx.

Image: un-perfekt/Pixabay

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