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Prince Philip to guest edit NewsBiscuit



The Palace has confirmed that the request for the Duke of Edinburgh to guest edit NewsBiscuit is likely to become a reality. Founder John O'Farrell put the request in to Buckingham Palace in 2009 after a boozy night with some BBC writers and an undisclosed bet, but the request was prioritised down to the lowest level and never reached fruition during the Prince's life.


Since the Prince passed demand for his patronage has declined markedly, with few new requests being made most weeks. Consequently, the request is now reaching the top of the list, just behind a request to open the Flint Greggs store (opened without the Prince in 2005, closed two years later and now home to a charity shop selling pre-loved porn) and a guest appearance on Jim'll Fix It.


'The Duke would have loved the guest edit gig,' said a Palace spokesman today. 'He wasn't that tech-savvy, but he loved the print version, especially the racist homophobic bits. When did you change your name from the Daily Mail?' he asked.


First published 5 Dec 2022




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Prince Philip to guest edit NewsBiscuit



The Palace has confirmed that the request for the Duke of Edinburgh to guest edit NewsBiscuit is likely to become a reality. Founder John O'Farrell put the request in to Buckingham Palace in 2009 after a boozy night with some BBC writers and an undisclosed bet, but the request was prioritised down to the lowest level and never reached fruition during the Prince's life.


Since the Prince passed demand for his patronage has declined markedly, with few new requests being made most weeks. Consequently, the request is now reaching the top of the list, just behind a request to open the Flint Greggs store (opened without the Prince in 2005, closed two years later and now home to a charity shop selling pre-loved porn) and a guest appearance on Jim'll Fix It.


'The Duke would have loved the guest edit gig,' said a Palace spokesman today. 'He wasn't that tech-savvy, but he loved the print version, especially the racist homophobic bits. When did you change your name from the Daily Mail?' he asked.





'Behind closed portcullises' - Megxit Netflix XXX for Royals




Meghan and Harry’s new Netflix documentary ‘Behind closed Portcullises’ aims to smash the Palace back doors in and spill the caviar. An additional 'get to f*ck' was thrown in for good measure, personally aimed at Wills and Kate, with the release date timed with the Cambridge’s ‘landmark US tour.’


The tour, which America has deemed ‘totally unnecessary,’ will see the future King and Queen carted around America on a golden chariot, led by 12 white ponies and fanned by 55 slaves walking alongside, barefoot.


The total cost is believed to be £5 trillion which will be funded by the taxpayer, as well as specially selected children’s charities close to the Cambridge’s heart.


The stakes are high for the Royals. A royal insider said: 'It’s long been known that there are racist vampires residing at Buckingham Palace. Not Prince Philip, he was racist but not a vampire. Meghan and Harry have bought a series of very tall stakes, which they are currently sharpening and plan to use to purge the Palace of this evil once and for all.'


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