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New series of Hunted to feature escaped criminals


With 262 prisoners released in error, the government has begged C4 to find them again. The new series will show understaffed prison guards leaving doors unlocked, while elite bounty hunters catch the criminals with large butterfly nets.


There has been a 50% increase in accidental releases, which means no need for cakes baked with files in them. In fact, there are more criminals now living in the wild than beavers.


Said one hunter: 'In theory these molestors and crooks could be anywhere, but in practise most are in the Labour cabinet.'


image from google gemini


Manhunt for asylum seeker nets six suspects who aren't him


A manhunt launched to catch an Ethiopian asylum seeker who escaped from prison has successfully rounded up six suspects who are nothing like him.


"We were told to put the dangerous sex offender on a plane to Addis Ababa," said prison service director Derek Blunder, "but we somehow got the order muddled up and released him with £1,000 pocket money and directions to an agreeable pizza restaurant and the railway station.


"We then put a dragnet over the whole of the UK to catch him - which we didn't, because we're so useless.

"However, we did manage to round up Shergar, Mata Hari, Frida Kahlo, Lord Lucan and Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men.


"We'll be passing them onto the police at Charing Cross station to fit up for random crimes. Then we'll put them in prison for life before releasing them all by mistake, as well."


The Justice Secretary ordered HM Prison Service bosses to lock themselves up for gross incompetence, but they said they had lost the key.





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