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God Save The Quing expected to be sung until after coronation


Decades of singing God Save The Queen at big international matches has left experienced English football fans struggling to switch to convincingly singing God Save The King, with the result that for this World Cup it’ll be a rousing chorus of God Save The Quing heard in stadiums.


Football fans who also play Scrabble are finding the transition easier because they know that Quing is not a valid Scrabble word. The rest of the fans are expected to need at least six months and a ruddy big ceremony about the King being the King until they can make the mental switch to singing about a male monarch.


Meanwhile, despairing Manchester United fans will continue to sing God Save The Keane until the Apocalypse.


hat tip to Sinnick

New Memorial Queue Commemorates Endpoint of Previous Queue




As the jigsaw-loving Queen settles into the eternal creation of her own 206-piece puzzle in the crypt beneath Windsor Chapel, a bereft and aimless public has already started to fill the void left by the greatest mass participation event since the Poet Laureate invited suggestions to rhyme with ‘Jeremy Hunt’.


Around 2 million people have already formed into an orderly crocodile to pay their respects at the official commemorative site of the end of the queue for the Queen’s lying in state, situated handily and reverentially just outside the Southward Park Pavilion Café public toilets. Currently stretching 350 miles, the new Glorious and Unending Queue is expected to continue for many joyously pointless and economy-sapping years.


‘The Queue is dead, long live The Queue,’ intoned Fiona Gribbons, a full time mum from Hexham until being blissfully taken up by ‘shuffle-along rapture’ last week. ‘I’ve locked my kids in with a pile of McDonalds vouchers from the Metro and, more importantly, my open social media feed. They- and potentially some suspiciously DNA-repeat-to-fade grandchildren by then- are going to be so proud of Mummy when I get home around 2037.’


Waiting list to see people looking at queue closed




The queue to pay respects to the Queen became such a spectacle that it attracted people from all over the country. Ron Jenkins has travelled from Clacton and is typical of the visitors;


"We'll never see a queue like this again in our lifetime, so I felt I had to come and see it. Yes, I had to wait 5 hours to catch a glimpse of the queue down the Mall and across Westminster Bridge, but it was worth the wait."


The queue to see the queue is believed to be the second longest queue in recent history. Jeff Hamilton travelled from New Zealand to see it.


"To be honest, the wait to see the queue was really long, especially after 25 hours on a plane, but then I realised that the queue to see the queue was attracting fewer people, so I could see that queue in a couple of hours. Ooh look; there are people waiting to see me queuing."


While the original queue has now closed, the queue to see the queue to see the queue remains open, and it is thought that a UK-wide chain reaction effect will see the final queue in the sequence forming in John O'Groats in 2038.


Hat-tip Sir Lupus


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