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The government is looking at modifying the benefits bill passing through Parliament following a backlash from over one hundred Labour MPs, with the Government relying on the opposition to have any chance of passing the bill.


The modification accepts that the current bill is unfair to those people currently in receipt of Personal Independence Payments, PIP, on the grounds that the payments exist to make them personally independent.  A government spokesman admitted that personal independence 'did sound like something you'd find in the Human Rights legislation.' 


The government agrees that to withdraw the payment from people who have undergone rigorous and often demeaning checks on their incapacities would be wrong, but maintain that by withdrawing the benefit for new claimants 'saves them the distress of undergoing demeaning and rigorous checks, which must be worth a few bob in anyone's money,' the spokesman suggested.  The 'few bob' apparently being the value of the current benefit.

Her priorities in the Spending Review should see monster profits for baliffs, undertakers and bombs. As she promised billions in subsidy to private nuclear firms, which is great news for any disabled person on benefits, who also owns a nuclear reactor.


She claimed that the economy was improving for everyone, provided they still had organs to sell. She said she would cut regulations that stifle growth, particularly the ones that made it criminal to steal. She insisted there would be extra funds for the NHS, which will see a great dividend when the private sector asset strips it to pay for a weekend in Las Vegas.


Defense spending was her key economic driver, with huge profits in artificial limbs, body bags and PTSD-themed Get Well Soon cards. Responding to her critics, who said her statement was full of lies, she boasted that it was the one area of the economy that had shown 100% growth!



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