The law brought in to prevent puppies and kittens from being sold by pet shops is to be extended to include convicted racists. 'Puppies and kittens deserve a decent start in life and convicted racists who have pled guilty, been jailed and released on licence should be allowed to have a decent life in the limelight. Just like a puppy that had no choice about who raised and sold it, racists who incite racial violence, admit their guilt and are jailed under sentencing guidelines should be allowed to sue the police for doing their job and getting a presenter slot on GB News alongside Nigel Farage,' said a spokesman for an organisation supporting Reform, presumably prison reform, today.
Under current legislation a person who submits a plea of guilty to an offence isn't entitled to a jury trial unless they are, or even the chance of their offence being dismissed due to a legal technicality known as admitted guilt. 'We want Lucy's Law to be extended to include humans who commit crimes, then make a guilty plea to be excluded from admitted guilt, like puppies are excluded from pet shops,' said the spokesman.
Lucy Connelly's lawyer broadly applauded the initiative but refused to pick up the turds left in her wake. 'Those Reform supporters can get their own lawyers,' he said, 'I've got enough shit on my hands with this one.'
