Voters warn Labour it will be punished if strikes go ahead

Voters have indicated that if the Labour Party 'doesn't get off its arse' and sort out the wave of industrial action, then it will suffer at the ballot box.

'I'll be voting against Labour in Wakefield, if I can get there,' said one disgruntled voter, while admitting that if he could get there it would suggest the strike was off and 'Labour therefore had pulled its bloody finger out.'

Voters are disgusted that Labour haven't sorted out the NHS, education sector or steel industry either. 'What are they playing at?' asked one voter in Tiverton. 'If they don't shape up then I'll vote for the Lib Dems - at least they are a proper opposition party and not in power.'

Most voters now believe that Sir Keir Starmer should have sacked Boris Johnson months ago. 'It's inhumane the way he keeps on allowing him to make a fool of himself. If he doesn't sack Johnson soon, then I'll defo vote against Labour next time,' one voter said.

Image: Skitterphoto | Pixabay

Mick Lynch to join Marvel Cinematic Universe

Mick Lynch, General Secretary of the RMT union is to join the Marvel Cinematic Universe, studio bosses announced today.

After barnstorming performances on TV screens over recent days, fans will be excited to see Lynch finally join the Hollywood blockbuster franchise. Whilst details remain sketchy at present, it is thought that the first film will see Lynch simultaneously defeat hundreds of semi-robotised news anchors and reporters, batting away monotonous and tedious questions about supposedly bringing the country to a standstill, with reasoned and careful analysis of modern employment relations, the race to the bottom in the UK, and the need for workers to mobilise together to further their long-term interests.

Lynch will also star in crossover ventures with other superheroes, including a 2-part movie with Captain America, in which Lynch explains the inevitable extraction of surplus value under capitalism, ultimately persuading Captain America of the intrinsic benefits of collectivism over individualism. Other planned movies include, The Avengers: Class War, Guardians of the Galaxy: Health and Safety Protocols, and the Fantastic Four (Day Strike).

An initial five movie deal has been negotiated. Further films may be possible, argued Lynch today, 'subject to locked-in inflation-level pay increases, genuine workplace dialogue and credible commitments from employers who have been typically intransigent towards maintaining the terms and conditions negotiated in good faith by Marvel characters and their unions through the recognised sector-level machinery of industrial relations'.

Image: solihinkentjana | Pixabay

Not for the government to ‘do its job’, says Shapps

After being asked to step in and actually help the British public by intervening in the rail strikes negotiations, transport secretary Grant Shapps has said that it is not for the government to actually do its job.

“The unions may be calling for talks with us, but they fail to realise that the government is not willing to, or capable of, doing its job,” Shapps said.

He added that the unions may be trying to cause total travel chaos for a week, but this was nothing to the years that the government has been causing total chaos on a range of areas.

“Many of the public probably think that most ministers have been striking because of the lack of work we have been doing,” he told reporters. “But, in fact we have been working – just not very hard and completely incompetently.”

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