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Mick Lynch to join Marvel Cinematic Universe

Mick Lynch, General Secretary of the RMT union is to join the Marvel Cinematic Universe, studio bosses announced today.

After barnstorming performances on TV screens over recent days, fans will be excited to see Lynch finally join the Hollywood blockbuster franchise. Whilst details remain sketchy at present, it is thought that the first film will see Lynch simultaneously defeat hundreds of semi-robotised news anchors and reporters, batting away monotonous and tedious questions about supposedly bringing the country to a standstill, with reasoned and careful analysis of modern employment relations, the race to the bottom in the UK, and the need for workers to mobilise together to further their long-term interests.

Lynch will also star in crossover ventures with other superheroes, including a 2-part movie with Captain America, in which Lynch explains the inevitable extraction of surplus value under capitalism, ultimately persuading Captain America of the intrinsic benefits of collectivism over individualism. Other planned movies include, The Avengers: Class War, Guardians of the Galaxy: Health and Safety Protocols, and the Fantastic Four (Day Strike).

An initial five movie deal has been negotiated. Further films may be possible, argued Lynch today, 'subject to locked-in inflation-level pay increases, genuine workplace dialogue and credible commitments from employers who have been typically intransigent towards maintaining the terms and conditions negotiated in good faith by Marvel characters and their unions through the recognised sector-level machinery of industrial relations'.

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