Rats annoyed about being linked with billionaire scumbags

“Look, this has got to stop, we have a bad enough reputation as it is, but please stop linking us with awful elitist bellends just because of name similarity. We get it, we are associated with loads of awful stuff, our PR team is nowhere near as good as the squirrels.

Smell a rat? Dude….no need. Why can’t we have “Brave Whistle-blower Rat" rather than just rat out?

Even our skill set is mocked, we are really good swimmers and just being wet gets you classed as looking like a drowned rat. Just rude. If you are untrustworthy, do you get called a dirty vole? No, you don’t, it’s us again.

Even our efficient, prompt, sensible evacuation of a sinking sea vessel is somehow a bad trait.

We are the go-to animal for deceit, mess, and being sneaky. Do we even get credit for our ability to survive falls from great heights? Nope, cats get all the recognition for that one. We are fast and agile, how about a compliment for that? Our ability to run up drainpipes is not “panicking” it’s an admirable skill for crying out loud.

Put the word bag after our name and that means annoying, that is just weird. Anyway, we can deal with that, but we draw the line at being associated with Monaco based, tax avoiding billionaire shitehawks. Yes hawks, you’re not always majestic killing machines, welcome to our world.

Billionaires should be thrown to the rats….Goddammit.”

image form pixabay

Another rat leaves floundering ship

Now Birmingham’s rats come out on strike

Rats in Birmingham have gone on strike in support of striking agency workers called in to clear the garbage left by striking council refuse officers ahead of a new team of agency workers hired to clear the backlog left by the previous teams until they too say enough is enough, everybody out.

'Basically, if there’s a strike by anyone that prolongs the amount of time rubbish is left on the street, then we support it,' said Rodney Rattus, president of the Rats union Norvegicus. 'But this is going too far. Our members don’t know whether they’re coming or going. Not only that, we are concerned at some of the choices the public are making. Our members thrive on "best after" dates, not "best before". We’ve noticed that some people are throwing away food that is in date and is more or less fresh. This won’t do at all.'

Polishing off a cluster of bluebottles on his whiskers with one swift move of his tongue, he added: 'People forget that rats have families too. A growing rat needs at least six Domino’s boxes, with the pizza edges inside, a day. And the average rat can eat three times its own weight in maggots, just for breakfast.'

Meanwhile, Professor Elaine Empathy from Birmingham University’s Department of Anthropomorphology dismissed Rattus’ statement, saying, 'For a start rats can’t talk.' But off-camera, microphones pick her up leaning over a broken bin bag cooing 'What have you got there then my little popsy, who’s a clever little ratty ratty ratty-poos, oh he’s such a handsome fellow, oh yes you are, oh yes you are…'

Photo by Joshua J. Cotten on Unsplash