Now Birmingham’s rats come out on strike

Rats in Birmingham have gone on strike in support of striking agency workers called in to clear the garbage left by striking council refuse officers ahead of a new team of agency workers hired to clear the backlog left by the previous teams until they too say enough is enough, everybody out.

'Basically, if there’s a strike by anyone that prolongs the amount of time rubbish is left on the street, then we support it,' said Rodney Rattus, president of the Rats union Norvegicus. 'But this is going too far. Our members don’t know whether they’re coming or going. Not only that, we are concerned at some of the choices the public are making. Our members thrive on "best after" dates, not "best before". We’ve noticed that some people are throwing away food that is in date and is more or less fresh. This won’t do at all.'

Polishing off a cluster of bluebottles on his whiskers with one swift move of his tongue, he added: 'People forget that rats have families too. A growing rat needs at least six Domino’s boxes, with the pizza edges inside, a day. And the average rat can eat three times its own weight in maggots, just for breakfast.'

Meanwhile, Professor Elaine Empathy from Birmingham University’s Department of Anthropomorphology dismissed Rattus’ statement, saying, 'For a start rats can’t talk.' But off-camera, microphones pick her up leaning over a broken bin bag cooing 'What have you got there then my little popsy, who’s a clever little ratty ratty ratty-poos, oh he’s such a handsome fellow, oh yes you are, oh yes you are…'

Photo by Joshua J. Cotten on Unsplash