Reform demands that Clacton polling stations remove all bins

Nigel Farage is fighting for his political career at the imminent by-election in Clacton.  His main opponent is the loveable cartoon character Count Binface.  Opinion polls show growing support for Count Binface, but both sides have dismissed these polls as ‘rubbish’.

In the latest twist, Nigel Farage has made a long distance call to the Electoral Registrar in Clacton to demand the removal of all bins from polling stations on election day.  He claims that seeing bins in or near polling stations may unduly influence voters, and prejudice the election result.

The demand is for no bins – empty or full – on polling station premises, and no bins within 500m of any of the polling stations.  Waste at polling stations should only be collected in politically neutral black bin bags.

The council is considering the issue.  A spokesman said, ‘Many polling stations do have waste bins or litter bins nearby.  Removing all of them for election day would be very expensive and the the council does not have the money to do this.  However, if Mr Farage is prepared to pay for the work, then we are willing to help.  We have estimated the cost of removing and replacing all of the bins at five million pounds.’

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First 'brat', now 'fly tip' summer forecasted for 2026

After the success of Brat summer, a trend to bring a new pop culture trend to every summer has begun - this sees 'Fly-tip summer' set to become the next big thing. Expect black bags, abused supermarket trollies and tyres (just to name a few items), to be dumped at your nearest quiet spot.

This cultural change is going into the next stages of a Brat summer, projecting a, this country is f*****, approach to life. And rejecting the curated, civilised organised lifestyle where members of the public look too dispose of their own rubbish through the correct methods.

The vibe is, if I make it someone else's problem, then, great!

The trend is deeply tied to lazy b*******!

It went viral to tip on farmers' land, lay byes and secluded country lanes up and down the country.

With thousands of the public deciding to kick off the fly-tip summer a bit earlier this year, we’re sure numbers will grow the more temperature rises.

Image: Newsbiscuit Archive

Trump slams Shakespeare as 'meaningless word salad and garbage'

In a series of late night posts on the ironically named, Truth Social, President Trump, has turned his phenomenal brain power to William Shakespeare, branding The Bard of Avon as, 'A low IQ guy who wrote meaningless word salad and garbage.'

Commenting on Much Ado About Nothing, Trump wrote, 'Huh, he nailed it with the title.' In another petulant post he asks, 'Who the hell was this Henry guy? Seven plays about him when clearly one would’ve been plenty. He must have been the biggest narcissist in history.' His take on All’s Well That Ends Well was, “I thought that bunch of crap was never gonna end at all.”

However, unsurprisingly the great and the good of British acting have been flocking to Twitter all day to defend the accusations levelled at, as some argue, the world's greatest writer ever.

Paraphrasing Shakespeare, Sir Kenneth Branagh posted online: 'The mind boggles at depth of this man’s total ignorance – what’s more, me think he doth protest too much.' While Dame Judy Dench told reporters, 'I have only one word for Trump. It rhymes with banker.' 

However, whether you love the Bard or hate him - perhaps the last word should go to Shakey himself.

'Life is but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.'

image from grok