White House staffers inventing fake States to tell Trump he won them

In order to placate the tangerine tantrum thrower in chief, White House staffers have been inventing places and then claiming that the Republicans won there – thanks to Trump’s magnetism.

'Does Ballroomia sound like a real place?' squeaked one panicking White House staffer 'Irandiana? Oilhio? Dieselaware? North Corruption and South Corruption of course. How about Putinsylvania? Muskachusettes? Rhodeflecting Pool?'

'We’ll tell him that Melania has been elected as a Senator for Slovenia where she’s from. It’s a small country in central Europe, but I don’t think that will matter. Unless Donald starts to think that Melania would vote to impeach him? I doubt it though. If he was impeached, he’d end up spending more time at home with her.'

US Democrats: We'll shoot fish in barrel this time round

1We have fought multiple elections against a party led by a man totally unfit - morally, temperamentally and intellectually - to be US president," said a spokes-wasted ballot for the Democrats.

'You'd think that winning against a deranged, deceitful convicted criminal like that would be as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. But whatever we do, we keep missing. Presidential elections, Congressional elections, mid-terms - you name them, we've flunked them and handed them on a plate to Trump.

1But this November is going to different," continued the spokes-stumblebum, pointing a 12-bore shotgun at his foot. "Them Republicans are in our sights and there ain't no chance of us goofing up this time round. You'll see on Tuesday, when we pull this trigger.'

Trump's AI bot promises every American $5,000 - or more - if he wins

'The idea of giving every American adult $50,000 in cash if the Republicans win the mid-terms wasn't President Trump's idea, because it would never occur to such an honest guy to be that brazenly corrupt,' explained a White House-spokes app.

'Instead, it was put into his head by an AI app developed by the Trump Corporation, called MalignantNarcissistCompulsiveLiar. It's designed to produce the most crass and venal policy option that it can possibly dredge up from the cesspits of its artificial imagination.'

The spokes-gremlin then showed the app's answer to this question from Donald Trump: 'How can I keep control of Congress when everyone hates me?'

It replied: 'The best way of winning elections when everyone despises you and thinks you're a total liability is to offer voters a straight bribe of $500,000.'

The AI goblin continued, with bare-faced honesty: 'It doesn't matter if you don't explain where the money would come from. You've never been able to explain where your money comes from.

'Besides that, the election bribe story will keeps you on the front pages for another day, leaving your opponents to froth and rant about you in impotent fury.'

'And don't forget,' continued the White House spokes-cockroach, 'there are millions of folk out there who are so stupid, and so desperate for cash nowadays, that they now genuinely believe they're going get that $5,000,000.

'So why wouldn't President Trump offer an open election bribe?' it continued. 'Especially when it's not his money he'd be giving away.'

Image: WixAI

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