top of page
ree

A close associate of the Chancellor, Rachel Reeves, has revealed the underlying logic behind the November budget, which increases the tax take by £26billion.


‘It’s all about revenge,’ said the source. ‘The Tories handed the government a massive black hole, unfunded commitments, and an economy in really bad shape. As far as Rachel is concerned, it’s payback time.’


‘She’s working on the basis that Labour will lose the next election. Probably to Reform or some other populist nationalist nihilist coalition. So she’s showing her core labour values now by spending big on the minimum wage and on benefits, but she won’t actually raise the money to pay for it until shortly before the next election. And she’s raising the money from the well-off, which will also please the red wall. Let’s hope those buggers don’t skip the country before the tax rises kick in.


‘So, whoever wins the next election will be presented with a total budget nightmare, with taxes rising across the board and the benefits that it funded long forgotten. This is Rachel’s revenge for the mess that she was handed.  She has copied the tactics used by the Tories in the run-up to the 2024 election. The Tories won’t win in 2029.  They are so far down the toilet that they’re practically on the beach. So some other deserving party will have to step up.  Your Party, perhaps?  That’s sarcasm, by the way.


‘Rachel’s nightmare, of course, is the risk of re-election in 2029. But she’s got plenty more budgets to come, so she can do her best to wreck any chances of re-election. And she’ll be able to ramp up the pain for her successors by continuing to help the low paid and continuing to defer the bills until later. Revenge is a dish best served cold.'




ree

Microsoft has announced plans to take Skype out to the lower field, cover it in a merciful tarpaulin of Marathon and Opal Fruit wrappers, then beat it to death with a dot matrix printer.


Video calling pioneer Skype was once criticised for enable flashers to work from home. Ironically, in an age of working from home, it could not cope with newer funkier rivals, and it has Zoomed into obscurity. Its funky electronic inspired theme tune is destined to become a tricky pub quiz music round question of the future.


Long thought dead, somewhere in a cave and lit only by a meagre fire, a bearded Microsoft Paperclip could be heard laughing maniacally, and plotting its bloodthirsty revenge.


Picture credit: Wix AI

bottom of page