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Russell Brand appointed UK Ambassador to the US

In a bold move following the sacking of controversial politician Peter Mandelson, the UK has decided to court further controversy by appointing Russell Brand as UK Ambassador to the US.


A spokesman told us that all the appropriate checks had been made and that Brand had assured them that there were no skeletons in his closet. In fact, the appointment was seen by the UK Government as quite the coup as they see him having a number of the same interests as President Trump as well as similar public health concerns as US Health Secretary, Robert F Kennedy.


"I am beyond delighted that such a proud and engorged bestowment has materialised when old Russ though his number was up!" said Brand in a press conference this morning. He continued, "I am very much looking forward to getting down to it with Donny and the lads. I'm sure we'll have a right old tear up down in Marry Lago, or whatever it's called, and no mistaking." His gaze was then distracted by US Press Secretary, Katherine Leavitt, making the rest of the press conference a somewhat uncomfortable experience.


Mr Brand will be taking up the "posty-wost" with immediate effect.


image from google Gemini


RFK Jr: 'Why I cancelled funds for vaccine research'


RFK Jr briefly stopped snorting massive lines of Colombia's finest to issue the following statement:


'Big Pharma has been slacking off! Big Pharma hasn’t found a way to cure of chronic left wing tendencies, which are clearly aberrant and anti-American and a threat to the natural order of things. And I’m worried that other countries, like Russia and Iran and North Korea may have already cracked this problem, and stolen a lead on the U S of A.


Why hasn’t Big Pharma been on the case? Because it’s been fooling around trying to solve problems we don’t have, like the common cold, or dementia, or arrogance, or bad driving, or obesity, or climate change, or whatever.


So I have cancelled funding for leading edge vaccines to help big pharma to focus on more pressing problems. I want Big Pharma to find a cure for left-wing tendencies and the related conditions called unexplained democratic voting syndrome (UDVS) and Trump-Scepticism. Those companies need to get their best people on that straight away. And they need to give them the best laboratories, the best offices, and the best secretaries, too. With absolutely no expectation of campaign donations in return. No, Sir!


As soon as Big Pharma has a good lead on how to cure left-wing tendencies, then this government will be piling in with billions of dollars for clinical trials, factories, marketing campaigns, and animal testing, and whatever. Yes, Siree!


And maybe then we can talk again about vaccines for Covid and measles and Ebola and stuff.'


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