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Tory election campaign wins Turner Prize



The Turner Prize panel has announced that the Conservative Election Campaign is the 2024 winner of the Turner Prize.


'This is a stunning mix media piece.' read a statement on behalf of the panel's chair, Alex Farquharson, written on the back of a Tory election leaflet. 'Such a brave combination of rainwater, pork pies and excreta that presents a deception that is so transparent that it deceives no-one.'


The awarding of the prize has caused controversy after the piece's creator, Rishi Sunak, issued a counter-statement protesting against the award.


'The point of the piece is to lose; by naming it a 'winner' means that the artwork has failed. But, by failing, it has achieved it's aim of losing. Hang on a minute, this is getting a bit confusing; if I refuse the prize, can I keep the money?'


Image: Newsbiscuit

Drawings of cocks will still count as votes



Voters are being warned that spoiling your ballot paper by drawing a cock and balls on it may not prevent it being counted as a vote. The Electoral Commission said that such actions will be interpreted as portraying a preference for the biggest knob amongst the candidates.


However, this will be done on a constituency by constituency basis, so that drawing a prick will not necessarily be considered as a vote for Rishi Sunak, Sir Keir Starmer, or even that LibDem bloke, even though they are all regularly compared to male members.


One thing is clear however. Since Nigel Farage declared that he would stand, it has been decided that any drawings of female genitalia will be counted as votes for Reform UK.


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