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Have you submitted an incorrect tax return in error? Contact Dodgy Dave's now



Call in at our office above the Fuk Mi Chinese takeaway on Dick Turpin Lane. That's two doors down from Barry's Paper Shredder Boutique.


We have had many rishi rich and influential clients piss pass through our hands over the years. As we hold ourselves to the highest ethical standards, we cannot reveal who they are. Our byword is Omerta. Please make your first payment for a consultation in one of the courtesy brown paper bags near the entrance.


Remember Dodgy Dave's - One Hand Washes the Other.




First published 25 Jan 2023


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Relief after 'big beast' metaphor saved from near-extinction



Lazy journalists around the country were breathing a sigh of relief today, after successfully reviving one of their most trusty go-to adjectives to describe aging, but still heavyweight Tory politicians.


Following Tory 'grandee' David Davis's call in Parliament on Wednesday for Boris Johnson to 'In the Name of God, Go', hundreds of sightings of the 'big beast' descriptor have been spotted today, from the broadsheet press and rolling news, to social media entries, and even on leading satirical news sites.


'It really has been a worrying time for lovers of the big beast metaphor', said Mickey Jones, seasoned hack and political writer at the Daily Mouthpiece. 'The House of Commons used to be full to the brim of big beasts, with Michael Heseltine, Geoffrey Howe, Michael Portillo and the like stalking round the chamber, with their distinctive mating calls, scratching their balls, and making their toilet all over the mace.'


'But appearances of big beast MPs have been rare in the last decade or so', continued Jones. 'Apart from the occasional alleged but unconfirmed sighting of Kenneth Clarke's Hush Puppies in the House.'


'A long-term programme by the Telegraph to promote Sunak, Hammond, Hunt and others to big beast status has been unsuccessful', continued Jones 'They're still total lightweights. However, whoever thought of the strategy of using Boris's incompetence as bait to bring the big beasts out of hiding is a genius - we can expect plenty more sightings over the coming days'.



First published 20 Jan 2022


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Banking reforms mean cocaine and strippers are back



A City Trader snorted a line of cocaine from a stripper's cleavage before noting that having a former hedge fund manager as PM meant financial deregulation was inevitable.


'Rishi is removing protections designed to prevent a repeat of the 2008 financial crisis so that we can learn nothing and do it again. Yay! The City of London is like The Purge now and we know the government will bail us out with zero consequences. Well, zero consequences for us. By the time we've siphoned off our cut to the Cayman Islands - tax free obvs - there will be nothing for public services for you plebs. I've always thought there were too many public libraries and social care was too well funded anyway. Plus Rishi can make sure whatever scraps we leave only go to the most affluent areas. He said so himself, in public, on camera. Ha ha. Legend.'




First published 14 Dec 2022


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