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After Sir Ed Davey and Sir Keir Starmer called for the suspension of Laura Saunders because of the betting scandal, the prime minister Rishi Sunak has surprised political commentators by enthusiastically agreeing.
"I suppose that's why they're knighted and I'm not.", said Mr Sunak, "I'd have never have thought of that - my first instinct was to promote them. But to effectively sack incompetent people - that's mind-blowing, if only someone had suggested that last year it would have saved a lot of problems."
When asked if had any more plans to announce, Mr Sunak replied that he was waiting to see what the forecasts were in the papers to "see if they've got any bright ideas."
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The Gambling Commission is to investigate a series of risky punts the Conservative Party has made over the past 14 years.
Top bookie-type who knows all the hand signals, Dai Roller said, 'If you're so stupid as to make a bet you're definitely going to lose, then gambling houses are happy to accept your charitable generosity. Chancellor of the Exchequer Jeremy Hunt wagering the entire UK economy on the election being on the 44th July? Well, he's just a mug who doesn't understand how numbers work, and the industry thanks him for his continued financial support.
'But if you're going to gamble so recklessly with people's lives, the futures of their children, and the welfare of the entire planet, then we've got to look at that sh!t. I mean, no one else is going to, are they?
'F*ck me, though. Do you know how long it's going to take us to investigate all the epic punt fails the Tories made? We've already found 863 examples of utterly imbecilic bets bound to cause widespread death to innocent members of the British public, and we're not even up to the Liz Truss era.'
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