Box of Frogs hiding in Kemi Badenoch suit

The Tory Party leadership campaign was thrown into turmoil, as it was revealed one of the candidates was really a collection of hopping-mad amphibians. Happily spouting bizarre policies like reducing maternity pay or new mothers spawning in ponds, the frogs remained undetected, hiding among an equally insane collection of candidates.

The life-sized Kemi suit leapt about the stage, demanding civil servants be imprisoned and the finest flies to eat. She insisted she would make a great leader, when not hibernating, and would more plausible than Liz Truss - which is objectively true.

Asked if he thought he was less insane, Robert Jenrick replied 'Ribbit!'

Image: Wix AI

Pail of water melts Braverman

A pail of water falling from some scaffolding drenched Suella Braverman as she searched an active construction site for illegal immigrants. Unbeknownst to the builders, the water had earlier been blessed, causing Braverman to dissolve into a puddle.

As she rapidly lost corporeal form, Braverman was heard to blame immigrants who do not share British values for her demise. Authorities say there were no other injuries, and foul play is not suspected. However, a man matching the description of Robert Jenrick was seen paying money to a passing priest and then running away laughing.

The site’s string of accident-free days came to an end at fourteen.

Image: Wix AI

Jenrick resigns as he has no confidence in himself

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