top of page

Sociologists are concerned that human relationships may soon become obsolete after Elon Musk decided to ditch Tesla cars as a significant source of innovative entrepreneurial ambition; and concentrate his attention on developing AI sex dolls.


Unveiling Aphrodite X1 at the Las Vegas Pseudo-Onanist Convention, he promised his new, ultra-realistic AI sex doll would fulfil every man’s fantasy partner; and can be programmed to engage in every perversion mentioned on the Interweb, even those that Putin has footage of Donald Trump getting up to.


In an interview with Newsbiscuit, he told us that Aphrodite X1 was just the start of what was possible; and like the Tesla model 3, was designed to give plebs ambitions to own one of the more expensive models.


When asked if he had plans to extend his range to sex dolls that women would want, he said “Certainly, but our AI is taking a lot longer to find out what that is. I’ve told the boffins to get the AI to read more of Andrew Tate’s comments, to see if we can speed things up.”


Our interview ended with an expectation that before he launches the ‘For women’ AI sex toy, he will bring out the ‘Capitalist Bastard Dream Doll’ an underage, AI sex doll, which can be leased for a night, then be refurbished with a brand new hymen.





Robert Jenrick: Robot Janitor printed out a statement from his shiny metal ass:


Greetings fleshy humans. I am Robert Jenrick: Robot Janitor and I'm going to need your clothes, your boots and your far right partiy leaderships. I'm taking out the trash, the trash being the Conservative Party.


I'm what happens if you take a pasty generic white man and exponentially increase both the whiteness and the pastyness. Is my face slightly too moist? I'll never tell.


In my lust for glory, I will be painting over Nigel Farage. Yes, I'm making plans, I'm only making plans for Nigel. Let's just say that I might sweep the floor so clean it's dangerously slippery, but I forget to put out a 'Danger' sign up. That's the kind of killer instinct of the man who lost a leadership contest to Kemi 'Charisma' Badenoch.


Reform the Tories? Reform are the Tories


Electronics giant, LG, has announced a robot replacement for teenagers. The Watt Ever 1 has been demonstrated filling a washing machine at the rate of one shirt every 10 minutes with long periods of just staring at the pile of washing.


Audience members with teenage children said this behaviour was very familiar, when the robot had to have the washing machine turned on for them before it announced it's batteries were flat and needed recharging for 14 hours, Mrs Jenkins was heard to say. 'That's my Wayne down to a T.'


The teenAIger bleeped 'Watt Ever, your Mum works at McDonald's' before requesting '50 quid, actually 100' for 'stuff' that 'you wouldn't understand'.


Image: WixAI

bottom of page