The Continuing Adventures of Robert Jenrick: Robot Janitor

Robert Jenrick: Robot Janitor printed out a statement from his shiny metal ass:

Greetings fleshy humans. I am Robert Jenrick: Robot Janitor and I'm going to need your clothes, your boots and your far right partiy leaderships. I'm taking out the trash, the trash being the Conservative Party.

I'm what happens if you take a pasty generic white man and exponentially increase both the whiteness and the pastyness. Is my face slightly too moist? I'll never tell.

In my lust for glory, I will be painting over Nigel Farage. Yes, I'm making plans, I'm only making plans for Nigel. Let's just say that I might sweep the floor so clean it's dangerously slippery, but I forget to put out a 'Danger' sign up. That's the kind of killer instinct of the man who lost a leadership contest to Kemi 'Charisma' Badenoch.

Reform the Tories? Reform are the Tories

Teenagers to be replaced by robots

Electronics giant, LG, has announced a robot replacement for teenagers. The Watt Ever 1 has been demonstrated filling a washing machine at the rate of one shirt every 10 minutes with long periods of just staring at the pile of washing.

Audience members with teenage children said this behaviour was very familiar, when the robot had to have the washing machine turned on for them before it announced it's batteries were flat and needed recharging for 14 hours, Mrs Jenkins was heard to say. 'That's my Wayne down to a T.'

The teenAIger bleeped 'Watt Ever, your Mum works at McDonald's' before requesting '50 quid, actually 100' for 'stuff' that 'you wouldn't understand'.

Image: WixAI

Methinks the Donald doth protest too much