The Continuing Adventures of Robert Jenrick: Robot Janitor

Robert Jenrick: Robot Janitor printed out a statement from his shiny metal ass:

Greetings fleshy humans. I am Robert Jenrick: Robot Janitor and I'm going to need your clothes, your boots and your far right partiy leaderships. I'm taking out the trash, the trash being the Conservative Party.

I'm what happens if you take a pasty generic white man and exponentially increase both the whiteness and the pastyness. Is my face slightly too moist? I'll never tell.

In my lust for glory, I will be painting over Nigel Farage. Yes, I'm making plans, I'm only making plans for Nigel. Let's just say that I might sweep the floor so clean it's dangerously slippery, but I forget to put out a 'Danger' sign up. That's the kind of killer instinct of the man who lost a leadership contest to Kemi 'Charisma' Badenoch.

Reform the Tories? Reform are the Tories