New Prince Philip Statue Offends From Every Angle

Unveiling his remodelling of St James's Park and tributes to Queen Elizabeth II's reign, Lord Foster also showed initial designs for a monument to the Duke of Edinburgh that, like him, promises to offend after a few minutes in its presence.

'I'm very proud of my team's efforts in designing this testament,' the three-time Stirling Prize said yesterday at the announcement. "We dug deeply into the wit and wisdom of Her Majesty's Consort and feel we've captured the essence of his spirit in the outcome.

'While there's warmth and intelligence there; as you view it in the round, there will be parts that make you cringe and others that leave you visibly upset or infuriated. That, we feel, gets to the very centre of the man and his legend. It also means when you get further into the park, you really do appreciate the wonder that was our former monarch."

Harry and Meghan's seventh wedding anniversary

Harry and Meghan Sussex celebrate their seventh wedding anniversary this month.

Traditionally, the seventh wedding anniversary is celebrated by gifts of wool.  Or is it Formica?  No, it's definitely wool.

Harry will be giving Meghan wool, so that she can pull it over the eyes of Netflix executives, who've paid out tens of millions of dollars for some of the duffest TV shows ever.

Meghan will be giving Harry wool, so that he can pull it over the eyes of the British who are supposed to always love him, despite the kiss and tell book, the kiss and tell TV shows, the dodgy charity work and the constant moaning about his Dad, his brother, his brother's wife, his Stepmum and so on.  Basically the entire royal family.  And the British press.  And the British legal system.

We expect that Meghan will sell some of the wool on her lifestyle website.  So If you'd like to have Meghan's wool pulled over your eyes, then now's your chance.

Are you stupid enough to pay $700 plus postage and package for some wool?  Well, are you, punk?

Picture credit: Wix AI

While King travels to Canada, UK declares sneaky Republic

He had only been out of the country for two-days, but King Charles III discovered the UK had changed all the locks when he tried to get back in. What was meant to be a show of support for the new Canadian PM, turned out to be a decree nisi from the throne. When he returned to the UK he found all his belongings - including a set of golf clubs, the Duchy of Cornwall and an Illuminati sticker album – to have been unceremoniously dumped in black bin bags outside Dover.

The UK was unrepentant, claiming the relationship had been dead for years and that they had just been going through the motions, including all that weird stuff with his Mum and Paddington. Historically all the King Charles have been unpopular Monarchs, hence the expression ‘a right proper Charlie, ‘a good-time Charlie’ and ‘you inbred, adulterous, fat-fingered flummox-brained half-witted cream-face loon…Charlie’.

Technically, Canada is now responsible for feeding and watering the unwanted King, but they have problems of their own. This probably means Charles will wander into the nearest wood and been killed by foxes – which has a sort of irony only a swan could enjoy.

Image credit: Wix AI