Epstein estate try to distance themselves form Sarah Ferguson

The Duchess of York has learned that the estate of Jeffrey Epstein has distanced themselves from her and announced that they had been mere acquaintances that occasionally crossed paths at parties. This has been announced in the wake of an email emerging in which Ferguson called the deceased sex offender her 'supreme friend'.

'I don't really know where she's getting 'supreme friend' from, ' said Ferguson's spokesperson, 'Mr Epstein had met her a number of times but viewed that as a huge error of judgement. The estate and the memory of Jeffery Epstein would be forever tarnished if any other description of the relationship was accepted'.

Image: ValiGreceanu - Pixabay

J D Vance denies asking Pope for royalties for posing for Turin Shroud

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Queen apologises for not bringing One's own booze

In a surprise announcement today a spokesperson for the Queen admitted she responded to the BYOB email sent from Downing Street on the eve of Prince Philip's funeral. 'To be honest, all One wanted to do was get shit-faced,' said the statement. 'One's courtiers were keeping a distance, several were in isolation and one, who has since been dismissed, was on a ventilator without permission. One had a tough gig in the morning in Westminster Abbey and the invite came at the right time'.

'One searched the Royal fridge for some Stella or Sambuca. It seemed Philip polished off the Stella before going downhill and One hadn't been to Asda to replenish. Unfortunately there was only a third of a bottle of Sambuca left and One polished it off before One's Uber arrived, so One arrived at Downing Street empty handed. One's bad. Anyway One found that the Downing Street crew had popped to Bargain Booze with a suitcase so One didn't need to bring anything after all.

'Long story short, One was left hanging off the Downing Street railings at five in the morning, cue return Uber, home, shit and shower and then One sat in a quiet dark spot in Westminster Abbey on One's own. To be fair, One needed the peace and quiet.

Images: Pixabay/Baralous

First published 16 Jan 2022

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