Modern proverbs - part two

Those contradictory old proverbs. You know. On the one hand, you shouldn’t ‘look a gift horse in the mouth’. But on the other hand, ‘beware of Greeks bearing gifts’. Not helpful.

Apparently you are supposed to ‘paddle your own canoe’, which seems at odds with ‘two heads are better than one’. And ‘many hands make light work’, but ‘too many cooks spoil the broth’. It’s starting to seem like these proverbs were made up to justify whatever dumb thing someone was about to do.

Here is our second instalment of updated proverbs for modern times:

Absence makes the heart find someone else

It's better to receive than give.

The Evri cloud does NOT have a silver lining

A problem shared means two people have a problem

All's well that ends

Might may not be right, but it is always might

You don't necessarily get what you pay for, but you're very unlikely to get what you don't pay for

A journey of a thousand miles starts with one wrong step.

A problem shared is a laugh down the pub later.

From great Sycamores tiny seedlings grow

Give a man a fish; and you feed him for one day.  Allow him to own military grade weapons, let ICE agents murder his neighbours, and you've got a civil war on your hands.

If at first you don't succeed, start another, then another, party, then collect the has-beens and never-wases from a failed party and try again.

You can teach an old dog new tricks, but it might not remember them.

Least said, soonest re-elected

Contributors: Titus,  deskpilot, beau-jolly, sirlupus, modelmaker

Picture credit: perchance.org

7 corporate buzzwords to try and avoid in 2026

You've made it through the first couple of weeks back at work after Christmas and New Year. Back at the coal face, picking off some low hanging fruits and regularly having lunch al desko to meet a hard deadline for a soft launch. But what meaningless corporate jargon will you have to endure throughout the rest of the year? Thankfully, Newsbiscuit has 'got in the weeds' and 'curated' the 'best of class' business buzzwords for 2026:  

'Shoulder to the wheel' - a phrase dating back to Aesop's fables, circa 550 BC. and the story of Hercules and the Wagoner. After the Wagoner's wagon gets stuck, Hercules implores him to put his shoulder to the wheel and start up his horses, as the good Lord helps those who help themselves. How appropriate it is, then, then Mike from sales, is using this historic phrase to convey to a meeting that he's spent all of 15 minutes using ChatGPT to help him put together a piss poor powerpoint presentation. 

'Skin in the Game' - are you Warren Buffett, looking for a phrase which gets across the importance for investors to have substantial personal risk in business ventures they are promoting? Or perhaps you play a lot of American sports, and are familiar with the complexities of skins scoring systems? No, thought not. So please don't use this to try and indicate that you have even the slightest interest in contributing even a paragraph of text to the interim report your team have to write for a client by 5pm today. 

'Proof of Concept' - are you designing a prototype for a space shuttle? Or building a bridge using innovative, more sustainable materials? Great - definitely interested in seeing some early workings as to whether this thing might work. But we don't need it for Richard's 5 question satisfaction survey to all customers that he's spent nearly 3 months working on whilst avoiding all other work tasks. 

'Scuba Mode' - the 2026, TikTok friendly phrase to replace the now dated 'deep dive'. When a colleague says they're going 'full scuba', gesticulate at them by moving a clenched hand up and down vigorously, and say that its a universally recognised scuba hand-signal. Also caution them against getting the bends by finishing the work task too quickly. 

'Sunday Scaries' - unnecessary workplace relabelling by your HR department of the horrible fear you had on a Sunday evening as a child when the music to Ski Sunday, Songs of Praise or Last of the Summer Wine came on the telly, knowing that school was only 12 hours or so away. Tell Helen, your HR manager that under the capitalist system, the relentless extraction of labour from labour power to create surplus value inevitably generates a sense of alienation. And can she sign off your request for a half day next Thursday for your son's school play when she gets chance - thanks.  

'Sweep the Sheds' - unless you're a stable hand, a pig farmer, or a peasant living in a small outhouse in the 16th century, you've really got no excuse for using this phrase to indicate that you're willing to do the most basic and humble of tasks for the benefit of the organisation you work for.  Note to your CEO - picking up a couple of half empty coffee cups at the end of an all staff meeting does not constitute sweeping the sheds. 

'Reverse mentoring' - the idea that everyone, even the most senior person, can learn from someone more junior to them. Sometimes dismissed as 'teaching your grandmother to suck eggs', this would make traditional mentoring 'teaching eggs to suck your grandmother'. Not sure that works. 

Jonathan Gullis Defection Means Lee Anderson No-Longer Thickest in Reform

Residents of Ashfield in Derbyshire were delighted with the news that their Member of Parliament is no longer the dimmest member of the Reform Party after former MP Jonathan Gullis announced his defection from the Conservatives.

"He's never been the sharpest tool in the box," one resident told us," like that time he got caught asking a mate to pretend to be a floating voter who he talked round to voting Conservative, but he looks like Stephen Hawking compared to that pudding."

Gullis himself was delighted to sign his membership for Reform, once the committee found a crayon for him in a colour he liked. "It was difficult," one of them said. "First he had a tantrum because there weren't any dark blue ones, only turquoise. Then we had to get him to stop chewing on it long enough to make a mark on the paper. Luckily we've got people trained in that after the rush earlier this year of people signing people up to be prospective councillors. All it took was a sippy cup of juice, a quick nap, and he was good as gold!"

Though happy with their conquest, the party isn't resting on its laurels, remarking, "We've now poached the cream of the Tories in Andrea Leadsom, Nadine Dorries and Jonathan Gullis. We're still courting our big blue chip Tory, but getting them to come over is proving difficult. However, we're looking closely at the demands from their team. All it apparently is going to take from our side is an assurance that the headquarters is a completely lettuce-free zone."

Image: StockSnap - Pixabay

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