'We've retired Regan and Carter and introduced fresh blood,' said a BBC spokesman today. 'Detective Inspector Starmer leads the McFlying Squad nicknamed the McSweeney, supported by Sergeant Mandelson. Instead of investigating violent thugs who always end up just outside of Heathrow, they're now investigating white collar crime, with Sergeant Mandelson also investigating white underwear as well,' he added, noting, 'but Heathrow still features, mainly Terminal five.'
The no-nonsense duo pitch up in episode one with Mandelson going undercover to find out as much as he can about a paedophile ring run by a shady international financier called Epstein, with Starmer keeping a low profile counting paperclips and shuffling intel reports suggesting Sergeant Mandelson might be compromised, so the incriminating reports keep moving to the bottom of the pile, codenamed 'Operation Plausible Deniability'.
In episode two the Royal Family have abdicated en-masse, Sergeant Mandelson has been uncovered as a double agent and consequently promoted to Superintendent where he moves to replace DI Starmer with his arch-nemesis DI Farage, brought in from heading up the Fraud Squad, mainly as their prime suspect. DI Rayner recognises that the McFlying Squad is in danger of looking capable and is manoeuvring to take over the whole department. In a hat-tip to the original Sweeney series someone shouts 'slaaaaaaag', but you'll have to wait until episode three to find out who it was referring to. Or perhaps not.
Bob deVilder has spent decades transforming a ruined farm building into an ornately-decorated home which has been dubbed the Hobbit house.
Bob, 90, was told in a letter to stop all use of the Lord of the Rings designs and features.
He has been ordered to remove the ornate decoration which adorns the house plus any structures or designs relating to a building from any of the films in the Lord of the Rings series.
This includes the rounded front door, stained glass windows and upper window surrounds. He is also ordered to "cease and desist" from locating the house partly within the hillside at the back.
Lawyers for a top legal team have accused Bob of riding on the reputation of the world-renowned franchise. He has been told to take action immediately.
The property had originally belonged to a local storyteller. Over the years, previous residents of the byre had included a cow, a dragon and a pig. Bob, a skilled builder, decided to convert the byre.
Lawyers who represent Middle Earth Enterprises, which has stage, film and merchandising rights to The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, contacted Bob deVilder.
Bob has never seen the films based on JRR Tolkien's books. He told our reporter this was "just a coincidence".
First published 15 Feb 2023
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