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Curling Fever has peaked, says NHS


The NHS is seeing early signs that Curling Fever may have peaked. Hospital admissions for the condition, although still high, are beginning to fall.


A spokes-virus said, 'Curling Fever is an unusual condition. Serious outbreaks occur every four years or so, but infections in between are quite rare, except in Scotland. For a while, many doctors brushed off patients, saying that it wasn’t a genuine medical condition.'


However, there is no denying the impact on sufferers, who often arrive at A&E with physical injuries from punching a wall, or having been struck by a television screen moving at some velocity. Patients can also experience mental trauma, including anxiety, stress and depression. Symptoms can often emerge slowly. Patients initially present as withdrawn and stony faced, but can fly off the handle at short notice, if someone presses their buttons.


Luckily, Curling Fever is easily treated. Most sufferers can be distracted by watching a children’s film (but not Polar Express, Frozen or Happy Feet), or rugby game (unless Welsh).


'Lucky' England drawn in same World Cup group as the Village People


England manager Thomas Tuchel has rebuffed claims that his side is lucky after being drawn in the same 2026 World Cup group as American 70s disco outfit Village People.


The band brought Friday’s World Cup draw to a close performing their smash hit ‘YMCA’ moments after unexpectedly been drawn to face England in group L next summer. The group is completed by the South-West Region Lidl works team, and the winner of the play-off between Easter Island and the Harlem Globetrotters.


‘There are no easy games in the World Cup’ says Tuchel. ‘Village People may be past their best, but they have a very good youth system, and are always encouraging young players to come along and hang out with all the boys.


‘And, of course, the Lidl works team won the South-West Region League by 4 points. As long as they can keep their star striker ‘Fat Morph’ fit, by which I mean sober, then they could be dangerous. After all, Lidl are a German company, and you know the old saying in football – ‘never write off the Germans, or their discount supermarkets’.'


Meanwhile, Scotland have been drawn in the same group as Brazil, and will face the 5-time winners 3 times over 10 days, with only the group winners going through to the knock-out stages.


‘It's a tough draw’ says Scotland manager Steve Clarke. ‘We had been expecting to be drawn in a group with 3 other teams, but to be in a group with just Brazil, and to have to play them 3 times in 10 days in the soaring heat, is going to be difficult.


‘Before the draw we had hoped we might sneak into the last 32 by being one of the best placed 3rd placed teams, but as there are only 2 teams in the group, that’s going to be quite tricky’.


‘Still stranger things have happened in international football, like Donald Trump being awarded a peace prize by FIFA. What’s next? Is Benjamin Netanyahu going to be presented with the Nobel Prize for Chemistry before the draw for the fourth round of the Carabao Cup?’



Image credit: perchance.org


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