Car of the month: Israel's Settler Extreme

'If you're a fan of the IDF Merkava,' said a spokes-gasket for the Likud Hard Right Coalition Motor Corporation, 'then you'll love this unbelievably unpleasant civilian counterpart we've brought onto the market: the West Bank Settler Extreme.

'The Settler is an all-terrain vehicle, meaning that it will ride roughshod over any Palestinian farmer in the West Bank and take all his terrain.

"And it comes complete with a licence - a licence to do whatever the hell it likes while the Israeli police turn a blind eye.'

The head of Likud Motors, Benjamin Netanyahu, said, 'I got a great deal on a fleet of Settlers. They vote for me and my hard-right cronies. In return, I let them seize all the land they like in the occupied territories to build settlements on.

'So see how the Settler Extreme performs in trials,' gushed the spokes-sprocket, 'as it sets light to a West Bank village and never goes on trial for the crime.

'And make sure to order your Settler Extreme today - bearing in mind that our Settlers are totally disorderly and violent in the extreme.'

Image credit: ChatGPT

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Israel plans to dominate Glastonbury in 2027

Benjamin Netanyahu watched the Glastonbury coverage this year with a growing sense of alarm.

He watched the coverage of Kneecap and Bob Vylan aghast. The crowd was a sea of Palestinian flags. There was not a single star of David to be seen. The mood was far from positive for Israel.

Bibi released that he had badly missed a trick. Glastonbury coverage is shown around the world, and his enemies had scored a massive PR victory.

And so Bibi has decided to create an Israeli supergroup that is so awesome and cool that the band will be a 'must book' for the next Glastonbury Festival in 2027. The musical genre has yet to be decided, but Bibi has suggested a mash-up of the musical styles of The Settlers and Dire Straits.

Bibi plans to build on Israel's four Eurovision wins. He is certain that, with hard work, practice, musical talent and some tactical interventions by Mossad, the goal can be achieved.

Bibi dreams of crowd-surfing at Glastonbury 2027, carried through a sea of Israeli flags. He is sure that the BBC's famed impartiality will help him to broadcast Israel's message of peace, hope, freedom and the obliteration of Gaza, around the globe.

Picture credit: perchance