No. 10 denies Truss was appointed SPAD in the Treasury Dept.

With the many vacillations regarding recent backpedalling involving previously leaked Treasury Department policies and plans, No.10 has been forced into making a strong rebuttal Liz Truss was brought in as a SPAD with a specific brief to advise on the upcoming Budget.

A Labour Party spokesperson said, 'Look, we understand these rumours, albeit Ms. Truss's methods were perhaps considerably better conceived than Rachel's, nevertheless, the Chancellor wishes to state categorically she takes full responsibility for this current, utter shambles herself.'

Ministry of Justice to implement new hard-hitting plans to deal with convicted prisoners

In an attempt to staunch the recent and highly embarrassing flow of prisoners being allowed to go free moments after having been sentenced to imprisonment, the Ministry of Justice has issued new tough guidelines.

A department spokesman explained: 'We've come up with a rather clever scheme, actually. As convicted prisoners leave the dock, a security guard will accompany them to a holding area in the court to be known as "the cells".

'There they will await the arrival of transport to bring them to jail. Upon arrival there they will be shown into their new accommodation and the door will then be locked. Why no one's thought of it before is somewhat puzzling. Gosh, what silly old sausages we've been.' 

Photo by 7500 RPM on Unsplash

Personal Independence to cease to exist

The government is looking at modifying the benefits bill passing through Parliament following a backlash from over one hundred Labour MPs, with the Government relying on the opposition to have any chance of passing the bill.

The modification accepts that the current bill is unfair to those people currently in receipt of Personal Independence Payments, PIP, on the grounds that the payments exist to make them personally independent.  A government spokesman admitted that personal independence 'did sound like something you'd find in the Human Rights legislation.' 

The government agrees that to withdraw the payment from people who have undergone rigorous and often demeaning checks on their incapacities would be wrong, but maintain that by withdrawing the benefit for new claimants 'saves them the distress of undergoing demeaning and rigorous checks, which must be worth a few bob in anyone's money,' the spokesman suggested.  The 'few bob' apparently being the value of the current benefit.