Extraordinary scenes in Sheffield as Trump refuses to accept defeat in World Snooker Final

There were extraordinary scenes at The Crucible Theatre in Sheffield at the conclusion of the World Snooker Final when organisers tried to crown the now seven-time champion Ronnie O'Sullivan.

His opponent, Judd Trump, leapt on the table screaming the match was "a fix" and vowed not to let O'Sullivan's coronation go ahead. Incandescent with rage Trump told Hazel Irvine, 'This was a rigged competition. There has been wholesale cheating going on and we've got proof. Yes we have. We have evidence of this. Much and bigly evidence. FACT!'

The Bristolian then tried to incite a riot among his supporters but when that failed and Barry Hearn turned a deaf ear to his complaints, Trump grudgingly conceded defeat before storming out of the theatre.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/taraghb-2098966/

Shelves shelved as man's DIY project no match for snooker

Luke Lyle should have put up some shelves over the bank holiday weekend, but became hypnotised by coverage of the World Snooker Championship.

'I only switched it on to check the latest scores. The next thing I knew it was Monday night, John Virgo was narrating my inner monologue and I was surrounded by take away containers, empty beer cans and a sense of melancholy at what might have been. Where is the cue ball going?'

Girlfriend Tara Taylor was disappointed but not surprised. 'Our relationship was as rocky as Judd Trump's long game at the start of the final. Oh my god, a snooker analogy? What have I become? I'm going to end things with Luke, go outside, get some daylight. Metaphorically, that set of unbuilt shelves is doing some heavy lifting.'

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/mastertux-470906/

Everything is a bit like Jesus, confirms parish priest

Your local parish priest reckons absolutely everything happening in the world is rich pickings for an analogy to Jesus and His work, it has been confirmed. In recent weeks, Father Michael O’Brien, 53, has used the war in Ukraine, the Final of the Apprentice, the World Snooker Championships and two magpies sat on a tree in his garden as fodder for his sermons, with stretched metaphors to God leaving his congregation looking increasingly perplexed. ‘I watched the Man City v Liverpool game last Sunday with anticipation and foreboding’ noted O’Brien, in his latest missive from the pulpit. ‘Like our Lord, both teams were striving to ‘be their best’, but doubting themselves. Pep Guardiola was no doubt swearing at the players at half time and overturning the tables in his ‘temple just like Jesus did when he was a young man. And wasn’t it just like our Saviour’s attempt to reach out to his disciples when the Liverpool goalie literally reached out to tip that shot over the bar?’ O’Brien has already penned the next few weeks’ sermons for his congregation, finding God somewhere in the council elections, the Queen’s jubilee and the first round of Britain’s Got Talent. ‘Even this crappy little satirical piece you’ve written mocking my sermons is a bit like Jesus, isn’t it?’, said O’Brien earnestly. ‘The second flabby paragraph with no real gags is like Jesus’s 40 days in the wilderness. And then there’s a sort of joke and hidden message here where I’m mocking myself - not unlike Jesus mocking himself in the garden of Gethsemane’. ‘Will there be a fantastic end - similar to the second coming of Jesus - with a pithy killer punchline?’, said O Brien. ‘Ah, sadly, it seems not’.

Jesus Christ God - Free image on Pixabay